I'm Studying You

The kids are alright...

Unfortunately, I'm not referring to CWC's kids, but they could be great too...more on her later...

**(hears the sounds of all of you scrolling past the rest of this to get to the part about her)**

First off, I'd like to make a personal plea to all if you, if you have not done so already: Please watch Z.˚rz 's hit comedy "Rumiez". Word on the street is FOX is looking to add it to its sunday night lineup after "Family Guy". And nobody likes an angry Zack. Here's the link, I'll save you the trouble:

http://www.writing.com/main/redirect.php?redirect_url=http://myspacetv.com/index...

You're welcome, Zack. Now where's the hookers and blow you promised me?

When I got home yesterday one of the upstairs neighbor's sons was sitting outside chillin' with a friend, so I pulled up a chair and joined them in the shade (my tan is starting to get ridiculous, so all you pasties out there can get your bitter on ). After all, some of those chairs out there are mine.

They're teenagers. I don't mind them; I think they're funny. They're good kids with nothing to do. And I'm a good kid with nothing (better) to do. So I hung out with them for awhile. I get to hear their shenanigans, and they get to hear my shenanigans from back in the day. Then they went to the car show and wanted to know if I would hang out later. Sure, why the fuck not? Then we got into some shenanigans

that will be the last time I use the word "shenanigans"...I've exceeded the quota.

of our own.

In all, there was 5 of us: me, the neighbors' two boys, and two of their friends. Just shootin' the shit, talking about sports, girls, life, The Beatles, drunken family members, the like. Just to clarify, they're all high school age, juniors and seniors except for one, who already graduated. Then we decided to go to McDonalds. Watch out.

I started cracking jokes on the manager chick cashing us out, which led them to think I was hitting on her (and I so was not). This tomfoolery carried on throughout our presence in the restaurant, which unbeknownst to us carried on past their hours of dining room operation. Making jokes, teasing...very juvenile. Very teenage. Very fun.

I miss those days, when you're a kid and you've got nothing to worry about. Just goofin' off and not having a care in the world. Having a group of friends you're close with...it's funny how that all tends to fade away in adulthood where your priorities shift and you're lucky if you have time once in awhile for only the closest of friends. I hope these kids stick together for awhile. I really do.

By the way, we're gonna hang out tonight...bought some batteries so I can bring the radio outside without cords and we're gonna dig on the Beatles. Good times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqOKvonLrH8

Which leads me to the important stuff and what you've all been waiting for: CWC and my adventure with her today. Today's theme: she's on to me.

Saturdays must be like "Health and Beauty Awareness Days" or some shit at The Wall. Every Saturday she's dressed up nice and looks good behind that cosmetics counter, hawking some fruit-scented skin cleasnsing don't-look-like-you're-old-type shit. I walked by and she shot me this enormous smile while she was helping some wannabe-younger lady out and offering her some chocolate. Damn! Chick's a hard sell with the Dove chocolate! At this point I'm merely carrying around a lemonade and a paper.

Then I remember I need batteries. Check. Shit, my pens have been dying lately. New pens. Check. I'm feeling snacky. Cheetos. Check. By now I have to get a basket, so I make another round and tell her she looked a lot nicer than usual today, which earns a very sincere "thank you" to the kid. These seeds aren't planting a tree; I'm gonna grow a fucking rainforest if I keep it up.

Finally, I gotta get the fuck out. I'm waisting time and a gorgeous day, and my feet only have so many miles left on 'em. Conceding defeat, I walk past one more time as she cashing somone out. I say something like "have a nice weekend." I think she heard "go fuck yourself", cuz she did a mini freakout panic attack.

"Where are you going? You have to cash out in my line!" She has officially caused a scene, because she basically shat upon the two old ladies she was cashing out to get my attention. And these old ladies fucking loved every single minute of it, lust and all.

I told her I was leaving cuz it's too damn nice out. Then I said "Ohh ok, twist my arm" It was the best thing I could offer her in public . Or at least the old lady thought I was offering when she practically accosted me in an attempt to, actually, twist my arm. CWC says something to the other bluehair about how "her regular customers should always cash out with her" and the customer said something snarky about me. So I looked at CWC and snarked back "I think you need to go home." "Oh yeah I do" she laughed. Knowing full-well that she couldn't just do it, I said "You should just leave. Now. Let's go sit out in the sun somewhere."

I'm interrupting my story because I have an honest, powerful statement I need to get off my chest: I am officially declaring WAR on old ladies who fuck with my shit at Walgreens. Thank you.

This old lady chimes in with "Oh, he's such a bad influence, isn't he? Such a shame." Mind your own box of Cheerios lady, and go find your own CWC to flirt with! CWC agrees with the old lady. My insides weep a little. The rest of the conversation was pretty meaningless. She jokingly asked if I was gonna make it carrying a 12-pack of D batteries. I'm walking home, not running a marathon, I'll be fine thank you.

It's a step. It's like a reverse methadone treatment...every day I push it just a little bit more. I'm close to that point where it's just gonna burst out of me uncontrolably. If she doesn't beat me to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QShSmpI0r9k&feature=related