I'm Studying You

Issues.

I have issues. Everyone has issues. My issues are silly. I probably am making more out of them than I need to.

I have a fear of the most random, routine things in life. I don't like to do them. I do them out of necessity, not because I want to or enjoy them.

These would in include:

Going to the store to cash a paycheck: I used to hate making that trip. I don't remember why. I think it was just the act itself. Or because a fool and his money would just blow it on booze and loose women that weekend. So I'd go to the bank to cash my check at the drive-thru, until it became too much of a hassle to whip out my ID and stick it in the tube that flies up the magical chute that returns it with an envelope of currency...amazing! But I think I've beaten this fear totally...don't get a paycheck! Genius! I should be self-help specialist.

I hate getting my hair cut: This is really problematic for me, especially when I was keeping my hair short. It's like 15 minutes of your life that you never get back, and no matter what you tell the stylist, she's still gonna play God and try to recreate you in her own vision. Which is usually a variance of between 5 and 25% of what you told her. I usually wait until the last possible moment...that day when your hair starts to Flavor Flav

I understand I'm using a proper noun as a verb. Get over it.

on you for no reason. The day when you could style it any which way but your preferred style. And they always cut it about an inch shorter than your preferred style. I wince when they put the Bat-cape on me because I fear the outcome. No wait...I wince because I know the canned, rehearsed conversation that all the chicks at Supercuts seem to have read off a script is coming.

I'm a picky eater: Everyone has their quirks. I'm a slow eater. I chew my food longer than most, and I have no logical reason for it. And if I order french fries (which I seldom do), depending where I am, I'll only eat them with cheese, gravy or barbecue sauce. And I always eat the fries first (I had a bad experience with cold cheddar fries at Arby's several years ago). I also typically order pretty much the same thing at the same place...I will pay for a lot of things, but I will not pay for disappointment. Word.

I hate tying my shoes: Seriously. It's not so much a fear but a dislike. I wonder how much time in our lives we spend just tying shoes. I didn't learn to tie my shoes til 2nd grade. No bullshit. Smartest kid in the class, but couldn't tie his own shoelaces. And you couldn't leave gym class unless you tied your shoes. Amazing how I pulled that off. The coolest thing going back then was sneakers with velcro...I wanted those so bad! I wanted to be like the cool kids! My genius of a mother: "I'll buy you velcro sneakers...when you learn how to tie your shoelaces." I remember telling coworkers once my shoelaces ordeal, and one asked me if my shoes were tied at that minute. I lifted up my foot...Merrill slip-on laceless mocs.

That's enough for one day. I don't need to give you guys any more ammunition than you've already got. I'll leave you with this...I never really got into this band but the two songs I've heard by them I really like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoMdkyeZOqE

Guess who's not too excited about his haircut today...