Writing Journal/ Blog ~NurseWriter~

The language of Love

As I reflect on the end of my marriage, I leave wanting to know how I can move on identifying what I need to change in my life.  This is very different from what I had done for years, which was trying to accept what I could not change to keep this relationship intact.

My mother gave me a very interesting book on the language of love.  It indicates there are 5 basic love language styles.  The book relates our love language to the language we speak.  Simply, if you hook up with someone that does not speak your language, eventually the relationship will fall apart.  We all know there is the infatuation phase and a honeymoon type effect (some of it based on endorphines) that lasts about 2 years.  After that phase, it is really all about the language of love that you both communicate.  If you are speaking two different languages, then the outcome is going to be far from acceptable.

In the begining of the book the therapist shares a conversation with a man on a plane that is ending his third marriage. He is perplexed as he looks back and believes he loved the last 2 wives and thought the last marriage would last for sure.  She explained that unless you both understand your own language in love, and your partners, the relationship can not survive. 

I haven't read the whole book, but it is interesting to start with myself, I find it easy to identify my love style.  The part I need to work on, is when I identify a style in someone else I must decide if that is going to work for me, instead of compromising.  There is a saying something to the effect about, "doing strange things for love".  I now know that making excuses or accepting things that are TOTALLY wrong with someone, for love, is a very strange and unhealthy thing to do.  So I think I am at a better place in life to identifiy love styles and in general be fair to me for once.

When you find one that actually has no ability to love, stay away.  If the ego is so big that all they want is for their "Me" to be taken care of, you will run out of gas.  I think for years I have been so in tune with giving, I forgot it is ok to recieve something back.  What a nice thought to look forward to.

I genuinely give, maybe too much, in a relationship. I would love to move on to love someone that can love me back, just as much.  Safety in being held by them.  Warmth just to see their face, or hear their voice and know that they speak my language of love.