Aurora Annabelle Rivers

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Julian was probably just as shocked as I was. It hit me so hard, that Alex had broken up with me, but it didn't even leave a bruise.
Through all this, my mind was still. It was as if I didn't even care that Alex and I were over. Wouldn't that make things easier; I had been complaining about being done with him, and now that he was officially done with me, it was as if nothing had changed?
"Aurora, are you okay?" Julian whispered.
"I don't even know," I sighed, "but I think so." He led me over to the couch that looked out to streets and sitting on his lap, we sat in silence.
"It's sort of strange," I said. "I mean, I always imagined that Alex never would get tired of any of this stuff; all the fighting. And it's just weird being the one who gets broken up with, not being the one to break up. I mean in all honesty, I didn't think that this would be the end of us. And I feel sort of..." I paused. I didn't even know.
"There aren't even any words for it. It's not negative or positive, but somewhere in between relieved and saddened. It's like a brick was lifted from my shoulders, but something else replaced it."
It was silent again, maybe for ten minutes. I was breathing in and out, with my mind at a standstill, while I was trying to place my emotions in order. Maybe another ten minutes past, when I realized that I was over it. That's all it took; twenty minutes maybe even less to get over Alex.
'Well at least it was done,' I thought.

I turned to Julian, wondering what he was doing the whole time I was silent.
Raising an eyebrow I asked, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, are you okay?"
"Perfecto. It was just sort of strange, you know." He nodded.
"So are you okay with talking about it?" he asked.
"Yeah, but what do you want to talk about?"
"Well it was weird for me to hear that whole conversation, but is that he always used to treat you?"
"Only when he gets mad, but its not like he's abusive or anything. Plus, I know this is not what you wanted to know, so spit it out."
"Okay, well..." he began, "Why did he happen to know that you were actually here? And what did he mean by it figures?"
"Well" I sighed, "it's sort of weird to tell you of all people, considering, but yesterday before this whole you and me thing began, I had vowed to make amends with Alex. Just don't take anything the wrong way."
"You know I would never," he barely whispered.
"Well after you had left me, I was so confused and I knew that the best thing to do, so I wouldn't complicate anything, was to make things better. So I saw Alex at school, and we made up. So, when we were going to English he told me that he wanted to take me out somewhere nice and when I agreed he was so happy. Then he told me that he had a surprise for me. So last night we went to go see that movie, Phantom of the Opera, I wasn't focused at all. I tried to," I paused.
"I couldn't help but think about you and that whole entire time, and was barely paying attention to the movie, but from what I saw, it was pretty okay. So anyways, we got back inside the car, and he told me that no matter how much that we fight he still loved me. And I told him the same thing, but he got so mad at me and I stormed out and went home. That's basically where you come into the picture, and why you saw me crying."
I knew that I missed out on that piece, and I hoped that Julian wouldn't make me say it, so when I looked at him, I could tell that he was confused.
"So why were you guys fighting?" he finally asked. I knew that I should tell him, but it was going to be so horrible for me to actually say those words.
I got up, and walked to one of his bookshelves, playing with the binding of one tattered book. Julian got up as well, but gave me my space.
"After Alex told me that he loved me, I told him basically the same thing; how I didn't want to get into any fights, but when I told him that I loved him, which I definitely thought I did, he got mad because I told him that I..." I took in another breath of air before I began again, "Alex said that instead I said that I loved you instead."
Because I was turned to the bookshelf, instead of Julian, I couldn't tell his reaction. For some reason I didn't want to. And at that moment, I didn't know why, but I was fighting to hold back in tears.
I turned around, because I wanted to leave through the door at that moment. I felt so disgusting, just being here. Not the fact that I was with Julian, but that he was with me. I started to the door without saying a word, but Julian caught me in his arms.
And then the waterworks started.

"Hey, hey, listen. Aurora," but I backed from his hold and onto the couch. Apparently he could tell that I didn't want him near me at that moment.
I finally put myself together, and when Julian realized the same he came over by me. I turned around and leaned on him, while he wrapped his arms around me. It felt so good just being together.
"I don't know why I'm having these annoying mood swings. I mean I feel so gross, like you shouldn't be near me at all because I'm such a terrible person. And Alex had every right to do what he did, because I was being such a jerk to him and to Amanda too. Plus you; you have every right to hate me as much as the rest. I've been dragging everybody around without a care in the world, and I feel so disgusting and slimy and icky for doing all of that."
"Are you done yet, because Aurora you are completely wrong? Alex doesn't deserve you and he's a definite jerk to break up with you. And everybody else is concerned, because we all care about you, so don't think anything bad."
I looked up at him, into his steaming chocolate eyes.
"Why are you so good to me?"
"Isn't it obvious; because you are such an incredible and deserving person; plus the fact that I love you?"
Leaning on him, trying to find the words to say it, several moments passed. It was as if my time was dismissed, but I didn't care.
"Julian, you know how Alex got mad because I said you're name instead of his? Well, I was thinking about whether I meant it or not, and I don't want..."
"Aurora," he interrupted, "before you say anything, I want you to know that you don't need to rush anything, about how you feel. Especially now, I just want you to be happy, so..."
"Julian," I interrupted him back, "I was going to say that I don't know exactly how I feel, and that it might take a little bit of time until I do. But I do now, that I want to be happy, which means being with you."
"As in..." he said waiting for it.
"If you don't think its rushing things too much, I don't just want to be Aurora Annabelle Rivers to you anymore."
"Good, because I never wanted to just be Julian Valentine to you." A smile stretched across both of our faces and he kissed me.
It was as if we had started all over again, this would be officially our first kiss. And somehow it happened to be better than our actual first kiss. It was as if sparks were flying just for us, except it was even more elaborate.
"Aurora, although you are officially and publicly my honeybee," he smiled, "I don't think we should let it out in the open. Just barely knowing how Alex is, I know he isn't going to like this idea, especially since he's had his eye on us already."
"Fine by me, but as I said before, I'd rather have you alive than dead." He laughed at that. "What about Connor and Amanda?" I asked, "When she talks to me, I think that I should tell her everything that happened, so there's no barrier between us."
"Just as long as Alex and his posse of jocks don't know, then I'm good." I smiled and then gave him a kiss.
Remembering what Julian had previously said, I said, "Didn't you tell your mother that we were going to be outside in a few minutes?"
"Yeah," he said remembering, "That was like what, four hours ago?" I looked at the clock and realized how much time I had spent with him.
"Whoa, it's already three o'clock? I think in celebration of our new and secretive relationship, we should hang out with Amanda and Connor, and show how unromantic we are."
"Are you serious? Do you know how hard that will be for me?" Rolling my eyes at him, we both got up and started walking out of the door.
We got into "Julian's car" and when I called Amanda we decided to meet at Swirlies. When we got there and headed inside, Julian tugged my arm.
I looked up at him, and he hinted to the seats in the corner. When I looked I saw Alex and his posse sitting together, but they were all looking downwards. As soon as I realized it was them, I slid into the closest booth and Julian slid in opposite me.
When my phone started ringing, I was so scared that Alex would see me, but that didn't make sense. He had broken up with me, but I was scared that he would see Julian and me together.
I picked it up warily and when I saw that it was Amanda, I was fine.
"Hey," I answered, "where are you guys?"
"Well we walked it, and we're about a block away, if you want you guys can order."
"No, that's okay, we'll wait. But when you come inside don't draw too much attention to yourselves; Alex is here, and I don't want him to see Julian and me together."
"Rory, I can't believe you. You haven't even made up with him; didn't you tell me that you would?"
"Manda, this is too complicated, I'll tell you later, but just hurry up and get here so we can leave."
"Jeez, we're literally a couple of feet away from the place. Hey, I can' see you, can you see me waving?" and at that I hung up.
We were given four menus, as soon as Amanda and Connor slid in, and placed our orders; of course with mine as a Chocolate Malt Ball Shake.
"Did he see you?" I asked.
"No, but can you tell me what's going on?"
"Yeah, why don't you tell us what's going on?" a voice boomed. I didn't even need to blink to know that it was Alex.
"What do you want, Alex?"
"I want to talk to you outside," he said in calmer voice.
"If you can't see, I'm sort of busy, and I have no time for you or any crap you're going to give me about hanging out with any of my friends, and if I don't recall was it you who dumped me?"
"Aurora, can we please talk. It's important." Looking at Julian, Amanda and even Connor for help, I was basically forced into talking to him.
I got up, and before I left, I muttered "Thanks you guys," to the three while they watched me leave.

"What do you want?" I asked him annoyed as soon as we got outside.
"Tell me what's going on with you and Julian? How come all of a sudden you guys are hanging out?"
"Alex, I don't understand you. I have no obligation to you, and really I never did, so you can't ask me any of this stuff. How's your day, sure, but none of this stuff."
"Aurora, I'm not sure that breaking up with you was the best thing to do, and I really didn't want to. I want you back, just knowing that you aren't mine, I can't take it. I love you so much, and I don't want to see you in anybody else's hands." I just shook my head.
"Alex, I really don't understand how you can't realize that the moment you hung up that phone, that we were done. And I think I was done with you longer than you could ever now." Clenching his teeth as each word came out of my mouth, I could see that I was hurting him more than I could have ever imagined.
"Aurora, can you just answer me this one question. Did you mean what you said last night; about loving Julian? At least answer this question, and I'll leave you alone. I won't talk to you, or anything if you don't want, just answer me that." I looked at him and his blue eyes were glistening like an icicle does when it was being touched by a hint of light.
"Honestly, Alex, I've tried so much to understand how I feel, from the time that Julian and I just started to hang out. But I realized that I gave him up for you, and I know that was a mistake, but I'm not sure if I know what to do, now that I have him back either. Alex, I just can't be with you, as much as I love you. But right now, he's there for me and the way he makes me feel... I'm sorry but, its way better this way."
He looked down, "I don't want to give you up, Aurora. I know we've been through so much, but I love you. I really do and I don't want to see anybody with you except me. I just need to be with you..."
"Alex," I sighed, "if it makes any difference, I'd be willing just to be friends." He looked up again to me, with a hint of happiness on his face.
He nodded then said, "Friends, okay. As awkward as that may be, sure, I just want you to know, I'm not ready to give you up."
"Okay, then I'll see you," I said looking down, turning around feebly, feeling like a total waste of human life and space.