I'm Studying You

Public Privacy

On any given day, I am one of two things: wildly outgoing, or extremely introverted.

More often than not, I'm a walking hermit. If I want to talk to a random stranger, I will. But I generally keep to myself. Don't bother me and I won't bother you.

Clue number one that I wish to be avoided on certain days: once I feel the conversation has reached the end-point and I've walked away (and I'm a pretty good judge of that), that's your cue to stop talking. Some people get it. And some are too busy flapping their gums to notice I've begun the tune-out process. And clue number two that reeks of "I don't wanna hear it today" sentiments: when I've got my headphones on, I'm probably not interested in your world-view. Selfish? Yes. But it's my time. Clue number three, you'd think would be a given. Surprisingly enough, it's not and that's what irritates me the most. My face is buried in the newspaper, there's a sandwich in my hand and my mouth's full of yummy tasty goodness. Nothing about this picture should lend anyone to thinking that I care about what's on their mind.

Where people sit in restaurants often affects where I sit. I will attempt to sit somewhere where I won't be making eye-contact with anyone more than I have to, while also being able to keep an eye on the door. I know, it's weird, but you'll have that.

So here's where my day gets off to a less than stellar start. The Deli is uncommonly busy today (business has been picking up, which is good and I don't mind the wait there). One of the creepy library regulars walks in. I keep to myself at the library more often than not; these people don't really excite me. And I've seen this guy often enough to know that I'm not too interested in much of what he has to say.

My mistake was not having my headphones on. But I wanted to be sure I could hear when the shopkeep was ready to take my order. I kept one ear to the music and one to my surroundings.

Sure enough, dude approaches me. Ugh. And not even with a hello or anything. Big, big turn-off. "So, ever notice how the regulars at the library never really talk to one another or say hi?" Homes, do you even realize what you just said? Did you hear the words that just came out of your mouth?

I tell him straight up, I prefer to keep to myself when I'm there. Chances are I'm busy anyway. He goes on, changing the subject a few times. And every answer I give him seems to take him onto another tangent. After five minutes I know more about this man than I care to...political leanings, his disability (a reaction to a prescription gave him a seizure), how he gets by...personal details. Some days I might be up for it. Today, no. When I go out to eat, I want to read the paper and enjoy my lunch in peace.

I place my order, sit down, eat my soup and crack the paper open. With my head very much directly, intently, pointed in the newspaper's crease. And sure enough, this cat sits across from me at another table. Keeps asking me questions. Won't shut the fuck up, and doesn't get the hint that I don't want to talk to him. He even offers me a cd of an audio journal he kept while studying in Prague. Ugh. It might be interesting. Then again, little more of this guy is interesting. I'm cursing the fact that I'm a ridiculously slow eater.

Then he gets up and starts wandering around outside. Great. There goes my hope that he's a faster eater than I. He comes back, finishes up, rattles off a few more questions about the New York government, and I feign ignorancy...if he'd word the questions in such a way that weren't as if he were expecting a certain answer, I might engage him. But I'm clearly giving off the scent of "I want no part of it". I'm an anti-social prick.

Finally, he leaves. I get to enjoy what little of my sandwich remains in peace. I really don't hate people. Sometimes I just want to be left the fuck alone. Is that so wrong? I didn't pay $7 for my soup and sandwich to also get the Spanish Inquisition from a random stranger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMlPVpXtkJY

Needed a little chuckle. There it is. Enjoy your lunches peacefully folks.