I'm Studying You

Little one...

I was reminded yesterday of what I forgot was one of the most torturous experiences known to man.

I had to buy a new pair of jeans. Thanks to the dog that shredded mine (I'm still bitter about what that beast has put me through).

Maybe I'm too picky. But no one makes jeans that fit me nicely. Or has the color I have in mind. Or they're pre-ripped (which is bullshit). Or they flare out too much. Or they're $85 (and I have a hard time spending over $30).

I think I went into every store in the mall that sells men's clothing at least twice. And I think every clerk saw the dissatisfaction on my face as I left (or came back in).

Let me back up. The main reason for going to the mall was to figure out what was wrong with my cell phone. It's still not doing all the cool shit it's supposed to (then again, why not just lug around a laptop?). They wouldn't even look at it. If I had the box, the kid told me, he'd replace it. Jeez for all I know, I could be doing something wrong. Instead I have to go home and come back with the damn box. Why, I have no freakin clue.

Then, I figured, since there's only about 800 ATMs in the mall, I'd pull out some cash from my debit card to pay on my rent. And Walgreens only lets you take out up to $40. If anyone knows where I can pay rent for $40, let me know.

No dice.

Not a single one of those ATMs for whatever reason would take my card. I mean, it was only issued by New York State. Why should I be surprised.

So I say fuck it. How hard can it be to find a pair of jeans? This should go well and I can get the hell out of here, and maybe make it home in time to get to the library.

Haha! Riiiiiiiiiight. Like, what color is the sky in my planet.

I'm not graced with long legs. And most places only carry a 30-inch length as the smallest (for the record, I can still squeeze into 31-30's like I was back in college). If they're too flared, I'll walk all over them. If they're too straight, they don't look right. Or the color is off. Or they're too beat-up looking. I found a really nice pair at Macy's that I know would've looked great on me...but not for $100.

I may have to start wearing children's sizes. However, they may not be big enough in the hips to accommodate my hips.

Where do these manufacturers get off? Surely I cannot be the only one who has this problem.

The best pair of jeans I owned, fit-wise? I think they were an ex-girlfriend's because I didn't buy them and may have mistaken hers for mine (I think they were a size 8...maybe 10, not sure). Didn't even realize it til she pointed it out.

Another thing...I will not try on clothes in dressing rooms unless absolutely necessary. For that, if I do need to return them, I will make the 2nd trip. But I lucked out. Got a nice pair of Levi's for less than $30. Just like my college days. And I hardly ever shop at JC Penney's. Although I must say, I'm not a big fan of the waist on these. It's very, very low; lower than any of my American Eagle jeans. And uh, yeah, it would help if I remembered to zip them up, because I left the house, had lunch, and didn't realize until I sat down 5 minutes after getting to the library that I had forgotten to perform this simple and necessary task.

That's enough of that most boring story.

Congrats to Dave, who just became a first time uncle. And to his family, especially his sister and brother-in-law, for being first time parents. Mom, dad and baby are all healthy and doing well.

It makes me feel old.