Grandma's Pearls

A little bragging and complaining

Yesterday I was surprised when I went to check the mail. I have posted 2 of my poems on poetry.com and before you tell me that they are a waste of time, I already know this from my daughter. But, I did it anyway. I now have both poems that are going to be published in thier anthology book and they are both going to be put on cd's. So, that's the bragging part. Even though I don't get anything from them for being published, I can honestly say that I am a published author. Hooray for me!! The real b#%ch is that I don't get a free book. I can get one at a discount price, if I pre-order it before it gets published but it isn't that much of a discount. I like the fact that a lot of people can potentially read my poems but I don't know anyone that will pay $70.00 for a book of poetry to sit on thier coffee table. It is an accomplishment though and I know that my mom would be very proud and she would have ordered one of the books just because I had a poem in it. So, I am ordering one of the books because I am in it and because my daughter is in it also. She has been published in thier books more than once. I was unable to buy any of them and I really can't afford to buy this one but, both of us are in it and that may not happen again. So, I have to buy this one.
On another note, but still in the bragging mode, I have been offered a possibility of having a display set up for some of the jewelry that I have made. I haven't been doing it for very long, so I'm a little apprehensive about doing this. It isn't with a major retailer or anything like that. It is a small, locally owned convenience store/gas station. They do have a lot of business and a variety of people, but, I'm just not to sure about doing something like that. Yes, I have sold some of the jewelry that I have made and Yes, I have confidence in my abilities but it is a big step and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. Of course, if I keep second guessing myself, I'll never get anything done and accomplish nothing in the process. All of this I know but still the doubt is there. Could I really sell my jewelry in an established retail business? Is it good enough to be out there? Would I be able to keep up with the demand, if there was one? Is this something that I really want to do or should I just keep it as a hobby and just make a few dollars here and there?
I have a lot more questions like that running through my head right now and I don't have any answers for them. Don't worry, I am praying for help with this decision, but, will I know it when I see or hear it? I could have already been given the answer just by being offered the display space. I have been wondering what I am going to do now that my kids are all grown. Could this be what I have been looking for or is it just a dream without reality? I just don't know.
The complaining part is about to begin, so if anyone doesn't want to hear any whining, you better stop reading now. O.K., I'm going to make another cup of coffee and then ....
LET THE COMPLAINING BEGIN! I've made my coffee, now , where to start?
As those of you that have been reading this blog of mine, I lost my mom last year. I have lived in another state for the last 16 years and the guilt of that decision is something that I am still dealing with today. I lost 15 years of being with my mom because cricumstances forced me to move here with my husband and children. At the time, it was the right thing to do and the right place to be for my kids and for us financially. We have done better here than we would have done there. However, the realization that I have lost all of that time with my mom and with my brothers and sisters has been a very bitter pill to swallow. Those years are forever gone and that really hurts my soul. I know that mom understood but I didn't realize how much it hurt her until my oldest daughter moved a few states away. Now, I am in the same position as my mom was when I moved states away. I don't get to see my granddaughters and I don't get to see my daughter. But, things are better for her and the girls there than they would have been here. It is ironic in a weird sort of way. My daughter just called, so I'll have to finish this in a little while.