I'm Studying You

War Points

War on the library for carrying WWE magazine and not Spin magazine, a respected music publication. War on WWE as well for being nothing more than a male soap opera. How do you actors get away with calling yourselves athletes?

War on people who beg me to donate GP's to their contests and then don't offer as much as a simple thank-you. I don't think it's asking a lot. I think it's simply a matter of common courtesy.

War on Starbucks decaf coffee. I still feel like I injected whole beans mainline in my system, I can barely feel my fingers, and for some reason I feel like I'm stinking like the inside of an empty urn.

War on that nasally cat at Best Buy who follows me through the cd section everytime I go there, asking me if I need help, then hovering over me as if I'm gonna steal.

And while we're on the subject of store clerks, war on the jerks that work at those shady looking cell phone kiosks. You know what I mean...the ones with the snotty punk 20-year-olds with their Bluetooth headsets on, who interrupt your conversation by shouting "Who's your cell phone provider?" Dude, I didn't even make eye contect with you. Shouldn't you be out trying to score crystal meth or hitting on high school seniors?

War on Britney Spears. Just because. Never mind...that's too easy.

War on New York State. Taxes, unemployment, fees, tolls, everything's outta control.

And finally, war on the library (again), for not having yesterday's USA Today. If I have to bring my card every time I check out a book, you should certainly have a copy of one of the nation's largest newspapers.

Peace out.