Despertar

haunted

I invoke the spirit of a survey that lived and died over two years ago.

1. List five things you don't care about.
Wow. I can't. I tried football (but I sort of like it now that I understand about the scoring), clothes (but I like to occasionally look nice, now) and the Republican primaries (but I want Romney to go up against Clinton or Obama, because I think McCain could actually win). If I care about things now, to the point where I can't name five I don't care about anymore, does that make me a world citizen? Oh! I know. I don't care about the Kardashian sisters, or the Hilton sisters. That's five.

2. What movie do you think was really stupid?
The Mist put me to sleep in under twenty minutes.

3. What song are you sick of hearing?
"No One," by Alicia Keys, but I rarely listen to the radio anymore, because the music is bad now. The other day, "Turn Back the Hands of Time," by Tyrone Davis, came on the radio, and my mother teared up and said, "This reminds me so much of college." I teared up a litlte bit too, because my generation is never going to experience that sort of nostalgia, because there's no way most of these hacks are going to endure.

4. Which word annoys you?
"Gunner," the term applied to every hypercompetitive law student who dares raise her hand in class on a low-energy day. These people are so competitive, they're even competitive about who can be the most coolly uncompetitive on days when they decide it's appropriate.

5. What is the ugliest name?
There are a lot of bad ones out there. I don't get why anyone would want to shorten Rebecca to Becky, which sounds sort of like a chicken squawking. I also think Amanda is ugly, because it reminds me of almonds, which are gross.

6. Your least favorite scented lotion?
Medicated Eucerin for eczema sufferers.

7. Least favorite flower?
Big, garish orange lilies, but I don't really like flowers much anyway, except for tulips, which look like delicious little jeweled morsels of flowerdom.

8. Describe a person you don't like.
High voice, big tits, big glasses, pointy nose, doughy skin, bad figure. She's our gunner; she always sits in the very front, volunteers to do everything and talks in this mousy, reticent, apologetic voice that's a complete farce because she's only pretending to be sweet and innocent instead of condescending and cutthroat. No one likes her. How do you live a life where no one likes you?

9. Why do you want to complain right now?
Because it's too early for class and the air in this building is murky, hot and smelly. Blahh.

10. Restaurant you hate?
Except for Chipotle, I have no use for anything remotely Southwestern.

11. What do you hate about yourself?
I'm wildly at odds with my hair, right now. I'm also a little disgusted that, given the opportunity to finally just live life for myself and sort of succeed at a new school with a whole new set of chances before me, I immediately fell for some guy who will now inevitably shape my whole Georgetown attitude.

12. What do you hate about your parents?
My dad is one hundred percent stubborn about absolutely everything. He refuses to listen to anyone about anything, and he doesn't take good care of himself. Over the past few years, his focus has narrowed to consist almost exclusively of me and my brother, our futures; he doesn't like sharing us and he doesn't care much about anything or anyone else. It's frustrating, to see him like that, because we can't return the favor. About my mom, I hate that she feels like she has to put up with that to sustain some outdated security for me and Chad.

13. Car that you think is ugly?
Cars, to me, are like shoes: nothing about them is valuable but their functions.

14. Religion that annoys you?
Scientology makes less sense than anything else I've ever heard.

15. If you had to wipe out an entire continent which would it be?
Someone forgot a comma...

16. If you had to kill seven people who would they be?
Seven random people dying of really painful diseases, whose families were too selfish to let them be euthanized.

17. The most boring book you ever read?
As an English major, I wound up adding lots of really boring books to my repertoire. The book that springs most readily to mind, however, is one I just read this past Christmas, Pierre Bayard's How to Talk About Books You've Never Read, which, based on the reviews and cover description, I thought was going to be really funny in a sophisticated, facetious way. It wasn't, it was just boring, and repetitive, which supports Bayard's contention, maybe purposefully, that you'd do better not to read every word of most books.

18. Teacher you hated?
I didn't really like my Torts teacher, but I wouldn't say I hated her.

19. A word you'll never say?
I still have a hard time saying the word pregnant, but no one here knows that, yet.

20. Ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend you hate the most?
Trying to hate Marcus took too much energy, and wasn't even possible anymore after a few months. Now that I can see him more or less objectively, again, I have this feeling that more intense relationships bring out people's more intense flaws, and that he maybe wasn't as criminally selfish or unfeeling as I thought.

21. Job you hated?
I kind of hated the last year of my Verizon internship, when my old boss had left and my new boss didn't really understand what I'd been brought on to do. I spent a LOT of time surfing the internet and sleeping in my car at lunchtime.

22. Do you hate...
         a. reading? No.
         b. watching TV? Only because it's time-consuming, but no.
         c. going to work? I don't work right now, and I miss it. I think I function better when there's a concrete system of rewards involved.
         d. going shopping? Not so much anymore. I figured out which clothes make me look good.
         e. eating? When it has to be done publicly.
         f. talking on the phone? I'd rather talk in person, but the phone isn't so bad.
         g. Victorian tea parties? No, because I like scones and Devonshire cream.
         h. the End Times pamphlets? I hate all kinds of missionary work.
         i. tourists? I try to give them a break.
         j. going on fishing trips? I haven't had to in years. I think that's one of the experiences that damaged my relationship with my dad.
         k. boys who skateboard over ramps? Not if they do it in the cul-de-sac where they won't get hit by cars.
         l. jazz guitar? Sort of, it sounds a little too lite, mostly.
         m. acrylic nails? I just can't figure out how anyone doesn't think they look creepy and ignorant.
         n. Diedrich coffee? I still don't know what that is.
         o. the Crusades? Overzealous proselytizing bad.
         p. cannibals? If there are other food sources, don't eat people, please.
         q. Nazis? Order and racism are traits you can find in many people.
         r. Ouija boards? They're stupid, but no.
         s. corporate buildings? They're always too cold.
         t. Jellyroll pens? I think that's spelled wrong.
         u. dog collars? Uncollared dogs are worse off.
         v. the play Oklahoma!? Did not enjoy it at all.

23. What smell do you hate the most (besides crap)?
Body odor, because there's just no excuse for it. Yes, my sweat glands are girly and delicate, but I know plenty of big, athletic guys (Justin?) who ALWAYS smell good, because they wash regularly, they use deodorant soap and they use actual deodorant on a regular basis.

24. What was the worst thing that happened to you today?
Nothing bad has really happened so far. My tongue is still killing me, though. I really don't know what I'm going to do about it. It's inhibiting my ability to eat and stuff.

25. In your entire life, what's the worst thing that's happened to you?
Comparatively, my life has been pretty good. Everyone has an uncomfortable crisis story, but I really think the thing that made the biggest difference, that had the most significant impact on the person I am now, was my high school experience, which sucked and undid a lot of the positive from beforehand.

26. Who is the ugliest person you know?
When I first wake up, I am.

27. Who is the most stupid person you know?
The woman who answered my health insurance call two days ago and didn't understand that Washington, DC does not exist within any state.

28. Who is the biggest slob?
DEFINITELY me.

29. Who is the biggest control freak?
Me.

30. Who will not shut up?
Me!

31. The biggest hypocrite?
My dad, who should have led by example.

32. Who tells the most lies?
I don't know how many lies other people tell.

33. Who complains too much about their problems?
I don't know anyone who does it in person as much as people do online, which leads me to one of two conclusions.

34. What is the meanest thing anyone's ever said to you?
"She makes me want to be a better man, and you don't."

35. What's the meanest thing you've said to someone else?
After the above remark, I tried to bring myself to say lots of really nasty things, but I couldn't; the best I could do was to cry and say things that I hoped would really, really hurt his feelings. And even that, I regret.

36. Guy/girl you would not have sex with if you were the last two people on earth?
R. Kelly, I could get the package.

37. Has anyone ever...
         a. spread rumors about you? Of course.
         b. stolen something from you? Yes.
         c. pulled some of your hair out? Yes.
         d. toilet papered your house? Once.
         e. buried you in sand? Yes.
         f. called you a bitch/asshole? Yes.
         g. made you laugh when you were in the middle of drinking something, so it went up your nose? Yes.
         h. ditched you? Yes.
         i. stood you up? Lots.
         j. complately ignored you when you were talking? Happens a lot.
         k. stared at you for a long time? Yes.
         l. spit spitwads at you? No.
         m. pushed you into a swimming pool? Yes.
         n. forced you to go on a rollercoaster? Yes.
         o. mooned you? Unintentionally, while putting on a condom.

38. What is the worst thing that could happen to you right now?
A psychic could tell me my life isn't going to turn out the way I want it to. All my resolve would be shot forever. How's that for control freak?

39. How many times have you cried this week?
None.

40. How many times did you cut yourself this week?
Once, accidentally, yesterday, using Brandon's Eliminator knife to cut chicken.

*

I don't believe in ghosts, or in an afterlife. I'm pretty sure the "spirit" lives on only through its survivors.

I wish I had had more time with my grandfather, who died of emphysema when I was eight. He was artistic and passionate and musical in ways that no one else in my family is, except for me. When I was six or seven, he gave me a leather portfolio for Christmas, and told me to fill it with drawings. I liked to draw ladies who looked like hookers, like Barbies. He would sit with me and stare at each drawing, every detail, and interview me about my "method," which made me believe they were the highest-quality pieces in the world.

He spent a lot of time overseas during his military years, and when he came back, he was unsatisfied with poppy American music. He started buying New Age orchestral stuff with Asian influences, including one 101 Strings album called East of Suez. I started listening to it in high school, and it was one of the most incredible things i had ever heard. As soon as I had forty dollars, I took it downtown and had it converted into a CD, and, later, into MP3s. Listening to its really schmaltzy rendition of the third movement of Scheherazade, I always feel a powerful urge to go shoot up every executive at every major cigarette company.