Shadow Puppet Storyteller

With God eyes

There are days I must turn God eyes on my life. Lately I have felt weighted by financial burdens. I know so many are strained by the need to keep up the typical materialistic lifestyle. Yet, I have been exposing the core of my problems, and I find that money has little import.The real issue has bubbled up in the out-of-proportion responsibility I place on myself to be the solution to all that comes and goes through my pocketbook.

I have gone so far today as to read my dissatisfaction as a failure to be enough, to do enough to avert common money pitfalls. I allow myself in this thought to live, not only apart from God, but in a belief that I am not enough. It strangles me with anxiety at work. It squeezes out pus-like flashes of anger when I am simply frustrated by my lack of control over my own affairs. I demand expediency and perfection from myself and others out of the resulting fear that others too will think less of me if I cannot keep up in all ways.

And when I am overwhelmed, I wish only a moment of relief and an experience of felt joy. I came close today when I caught the eyes of my dog. He too expected only joy, and this, because of his mindset and oneness with God that comes forth without question. I learned I can also hope to see with the eyes of my dog.