The Real and Ideal

Argh Shy-ness

I'm not a very outgoing person...

I look at some people, who have like, a million friends, and I wonder how they do it. To be that talkative, and fun enough to get all of them to like you. It's crazy.

Sometimes I wish I could be more talkative...to not be uncomfortable around a lot of people, and to just show people what I'm really like. I hope I am at least somewhat interesting. But anything at all is hidden underneath loads of unconfidence.

If theres one thing I've learned playing hockey, it's that confidence makes everything go better. If you sit timidly to the side, you are never going to be satisfied with your performance, because you don't beleive in yourself enough to actually do anything. I say that with such experience in hockey- I like to think I've been around the block before, and I've figured it out. Even then it's still hard to do; one screw-up and I shrink back into my little hole. This is really the first hs season that I've felt at all capable of anything the coaches/team wants from me. It's really nice.

If only I could apply that to relationships and interactions... why is it so difficult? Does strength of mind and heart come from the outside in? Should I start living off of salad and wheat germ instead of chocolate? Will that make me feel better about myself?

Sigh. I wish I were skating right now.

Of course, there's this guy. I had a dream about him... so I don't know much abut what he's actually like. But for some reason I keep clinging to this dream world... where I am indeed pretty and funny and nice, and he smiles when I talk to him. I like smiles.

I like getting smiles from my friends. Didn't see many today though. (I should really come up with code names or something for them so I don't have to keep referring to them as "my friend." I mean, I may be a social leper but I do have more than one.) Anyway. Friend 'A' was crabby, and friend 'U' is acting wacky (as we all know from prior entries), and the rest of the team is sick (there is something going around, I think). Friend 'D', who may be one of the only non-hockey friends, was cheerful enough, until we started lamenting about our lack-luster love lives. (That's a mouthful, eh?)

So enough sadness today. Let's all be happy! Wooohooo.
That's all for now~