The Absence of Wavelength

Being sick is depressing

Cliche as it may be....I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Yet again, I will have to go to the doctor to treat was ails me with this upper respitory rattle. When I think it has gone, it only retreats for a month or two to return with avengence. I've had a cold most of the summer and have never been this sick in all of my years. Is age catching up with me?

I also have to go to a doctor to see about my problems with my right leg. Seems I have a defective vein that needs to be removed. Have had doctors scratching their heads for months trying to figure out my edema. Finally, this might be the diagnosis I've waited for. But, it involves surgery to remove the leg making incisions in my calf, ankle and upper thigh to pull out the bad vein. Should take a few days to recover. Don't like the idea of being cut open. But, I'm tired of hobbling around on a swollen leg.

I'm having a better time of it now that I've stablized after going off the anti-depressants cold turkey. I feel I am in control of my emotions again. Not that every day life doesn't try my patience, because there are times when I think I'm about to go into a downward spiral. But, I won't let myself. It seems I've taken enough abuse in my walk of life to not let stuff rub me the wrong way any more. I won't give those menaces the benefit of seeing me suffer. In fact, I don't suffer. It's nice to have all this stuff just glance off me as I continue to walk forward. Now, if I could only figure out what direction I'm supposed to be going.

So, I guess if I get depressed it's all this sickness that won't let me see the light of day or at the end of the tunnel. I'm fortunate to have some freedom now to have time for myself to rest with Alex in school again and Maddie at a sitter 12 hours a week. I'm still adjusting and trying to figure out how best to spend my time, develop a routine.

Enough of my belly aching now.