Journal

Sept. 1 2007

I am so tired of begging, pleading, yelling and throwing temper tantrums to get shit that needs to be done done by responsible parties. Get over yourself. Some things need to be done, not because I'm making them up to shit on your day but because they are basic things that always need to be done. The dishes are piled up and we have no clean ones, I'm not picking on you it just happens to be your turn. I would love it if you were proactive and I didn't have to ask. I DO NOT WANT TO. Personally I don't give a shit about your room ect. Some things just need to be dealt with. When the toilet gets nasty I don't want to deal with it. I'm not your fucking mother. I don't want to worry about you and worry about all the small things. I have a fucking life. But when your laziness interferes with my life we have a problem. I don't want to ask a million times for something to be done and irritate you but I sure as hell am not going to do everything by myself .
All I want is a system where you take care of your shit and I take care of mine. We are all busy, we all have shit to do, I understand that but really get over yourself.
I'm trying so hard to make EVERYTHING work but I've converted back to a kind of former version of myself which I don't really like. I keep wanting to scream that this isn't who I am it is who I feel pressured to be because you aren't able to get your shit together.
Yeah, I worry about living with two people who don't have jobs and right now honestly don't have any solid prospects. I understand that it sucks to get a job. Its hard and demeaning. I did not want to work in a restaurant but look at me I swallowed my fucking pride and got over it. I couldn't give a shit less if you had a job but you are affecting my life. I don't want to carry anyone and I assure you, you don't want that either.
Excuse me for wanting time alone with you to talk. Obviously I'm being a selfish whore. I've had a fifteen hour day and would like to talk to someone I care about. You want to watch south park. sorry.

In ANY relationship I don't want to feel like I'm the only person who gives a flying fuck.


Honestly I think one of the lasting mistakes I have made is getting cats.


Another mistake I'm terrified I've made is living with people whom I love but who can't take care of anything without being asked and helped.