Thoughts from a damaged brain

I just wanted to fit in

As some of you may remember, I am applying for Newbie Northman, here in the North Woods.
Part of the test is for me to live in the woods, naked except for my “North Woods Newbie” beanie hat with the propeller on top.
I was to live with a pack of wolves. Then an old Indian who can talk with them gets their opinion on how I did.
I have it here, its not good.

From:
Chief toes in the water, wolf talker

To:
Northman acceptance committee, Phelps Wisconsin.

Dear Hans,

This is the poorest candidate you have ever sent to us for the “Naked in the woods test.”
He was with pack # 234. The dominate male is Chester, a tough cookie, and he was not impressed.

Day one:
The applicant sat and shivered, naked on a fallen tree and whimpered about being cold and hungry.
He said he felt foolish sitting there naked except for his Newbie beanie hat with the propeller on top. We told him wolves don’t whimper.

Day two:
We told him he has to hunt to eat. The applicant said he does not hunt. Let me repeat that. He does not hunt! We are in the North Woods. Human kids are hunting by the time they are three years old!

Day three:

Bribe attempts to pack members.

Day four:
We found him on Highway 17, hitch hiking, naked trying to get back to Phelps. We told him that wolves don’t hitch hike.

Day five:
It seems the Spiritual cleansing had started. His eyes had rolled back in his head and he was spinning in slow circles. His arms were stretched out at his sides and he was chanting. It sounded like.
“Boom-chucka-Boom-chucka-Boom.”

Day six:
He ate some mushrooms because he was so hungry. He picked the wrong ones and was stoned and hallucinating for 26 hours.

Day seven:
Spent the day coming down from the bad mushroom trip.

Overall score 0-
Thank you,
Chester the wolf, Newbie Evaluator.