"Aeroplanes..." Book

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

         I watch the plane take off.  I've never been fond of the sound of planes zooming overhead, but it has never bothered me this much.  The difference is, most planes hold people I don't really know, usually taking them to places on business or vacation.  This plane holds you inside it, perhaps leading you to your death.  A tear is rolling down my cheek.  I wipe it away with my sleeve.  I can feel my heart breaking.  I can feel all the pain welling up in my throat.
         What a fool I am making of myself!  I am sobbing in front of over a thousand people.  But why do I even care?  The only one I even know is my older sister, Allison, who came to see off her husband-to-be, and she isn't looking at me funny.  She's crying, too, and I actually find that she is crying harder than I am.  Little rivers of tears are cascading down her cheeks.  I stride to my car, calming myself down and telling myself that everything is going to be alright.  But I don't know this, and that makes me shiver.
         "You alright there, Samantha?" she is asking me in that sympathetic, protective voice she always uses when trying to comfort me. 
         Of course, the protectiveness is promptly interrupted with a small sniffle and a dabbing of a handkerchief at her eyes.  Allison, honestly, I am not alright.  I am sure you understand my forlorn feelings; surely you feel the same sense of loss that breaks my heart.  Surely your heart has been broken as well.  You and I have both just lost the loves of our lives to this awful war.  Your Erik has gone away with my Robert, and I cannot truthfully give you the answer you want to hear. 
         But you are now giving me a look of full understanding, and you are fervently twisting your long fingers in your wavy brown hair in thought, and your lips are turning up in a small concerned smile, and the look in your sea green eyes says, "Don't worry, little sister.  He'll be back.  He has to," so urgently that it seems like your also convincing yourself of the same thing.  It's interesting how your eyes change colors to match your mood.  Now you are clamping your jaws tightly and you are turning your head away from me to look out the window of my car.
         "Oh, Sam," you sigh after what seems like hours and after we've been speeding along the highway for a while.  "He'll come home to you soon enough.  Trust me, alright?  If the two of us can't pull ourselves together soon, we'll look like old ladies before our guys get home!" 
         You are trying to sound playful and humorous, Allison, trying to be your happy self.  But you also have an emotional side, and that is what is showing through right now.  There is no sense in trying to hide it.  Your voice is too shaky to sound comforting and your cheeks are too tear-stained to look playful. 
         Anyway, we might be old ladies before our guys get home, alright?
         You place a hand on my shoulder.  "Come on, Sam.  At least answer me," you say, your eyes big and pleading. 
         "Allie, I know you want to be helpful, but I really don't want to talk about it right now," I answer you quite... well, snappily, actually, and I realize it.  Aw, Allison, you are so sensitive.  You want to help me because it will help you, and I should have been less selfish and let that happen, because now you have set your hands back in your lap, and you are wringing them together and biting your lip while silent tears begin rolling down your cheeks again. 
         "Okay," you squeak out. 
         "I'm sorry," I say, but my voice is still hard, despite the fact that I want to sound apologetic.  You are crying too much to answer.  Your back is to me and you're looking forlornly out the window.  The trees are bare, and they look dead, and the snow is soiled with filth from the streets.  Wherever there isn't dirty gray snow, there are plastic bottles, shopping bags, cigarette buttes, and all kinds of gross junk; the streets are filled with litter. Why are looking at all that?  Does it give you comfort?  Apparently not.  Your tears rapidly and steadily increase.
         Well, Robert, you have left me with only the comfort of my older sister, whom I have looked up to all my life.  But at the moment, she's the one who needs the comforting.  Sigh.  I ruin so much.  Now you've left, so who can give me advice?  Allison can when she calms down.  Poor Allie!  But right now her feelings have been hurt along with her heart being torn.  The least I can do is give her some peace and quiet.  Or I can turn on the radio...
         Her ears seem to prick when the music starts to take effect, and in a shaky, sorrowful voice, she begins to sing along.  The song that is playing now is "If You Leave Me Now," which is a 60's song neither of us like very much, but it happens to be very appropriate for today.  She sings every word correctly and on tune, if not tearful.  Erik, I hope you can hear her in Korea.  And Robert, I hope you are catching every word I am telepathically sending you.  And if you are, I want you to know how much I love you.  And tell Erik his fiancee is distraught and can't live without him, and he better come back home right now or I'll telepathically scream.  And that goes for you, too, my beloved!