Spam Haiku Story

By Accept Allow

"Do not fight destiny,
The path is yours to follow.
By accept allow yourself to be free..."

I don't know why I'm wasting my time listening to this two-bit roadside guru.. Well, yeah, I guess I do know why...

I was on my way from Albuquerque to to Charlotte when my van started acting up just past the Oklahoma border. I knew I shoulda changed that water pump when the gasket started pissin' coolant last year; but I just torqued the bolts down and slowed the leak a bit, figured it'd be good enough for a while.

So I got off the forty and onto the sixty-four, looking for a parts store open on a Sunday afternoon... Fat chance. After limping along damn near twenty miles and pouring the last of the water from my beer cooler into the radiator an' worryin' the block was gonna crack in this godawful heat, I started thinkin' about an old folk song I'd heard a while back on a college station on the FM. Tells a story of a drifter a hundred years ago who ends up just about right where I am now on the map... I start singing the tune to pass the time since my radio's busted:

"'Twas in the year of '82 in the merry month of June,
I landed in Fort Smith on a sultry afternoon.
The air so hot and dusty, my breath I could not draw,
But I got off to see what was in the State of Arkansas..."

Didn't find a parts store, but I just outside Russellville at the turnoff for a campground I did see a sign for a Spiritual Enlightment conference so I figured what the hell.. Gotta be people there, maybe somebody who would know where I could find a water pump for a '69 Chevy van.

Real friendly hippie-type folks, they shared a few puffs of their "wacky tabacky" with me which put me in a considerably better mood, but none of them knows of a parts store open on a Sunday afternoon. Took a last toke from the bong my new-found brother MoonStone handed to me and was just about ready to hit the road again when the vision of a goddess drifted into view...

"This is my sister, Tiger Lilly", MoonStone said.

Pretty face, curvy Skin-tight bell bottoms, and a tie-dyed halter top that shows off a nice ample pair... Some guys might say a little on the chunky side, but I like a little "cushion for the pushin'," if you know what I mean.

"Are you staying for the Enlightenment ?" she asks.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, sweetheart," I say...

So the " Spiritual Enlightenment" dude Ashwatthama starts giving his speech. Not getting anywhere tryin' to get into Tiger Lily's panties, she's totally into this guru's rap. "Listen to him, he is a man of knowledge. There will be time for worldly pleasures later," she says, pushing my hands away, but not too hard.

So I'm waiting for his speech to finish so I can get it on with Tiger. But I start thinkin'about what he's saying and it's aggravating me, all this pacifist bullshit. So I yell out to him: "Whaddya mean "By accept allow yourself to be free," Don't you gotta fight against things that are wrong to change your destiny for the better? I mean, I'm sitting here with a broken down van... should I just accept it, park it and go live in the woods or something?"

"Accept is not to surrender, becoming a victim to your circumstance. Accept is to aknowledge... You can accept and also act to better your situation, this is perhaps the best path."

Yeah, I think I get it now. "Many thanks for your words of wisdom, Ashwatthama, you are truly a man of knowledge," I tell him.

He smiles at me and nods his head. Tiger looks up at me, beaming radiantly. "You have gained great spiritual insight today, we should celebrate!" she says, taking my hand and leading me to her tent...

I wake up early, Tiger Lily is still sleeping. I pull on my jeans and crawl out of the tent. I fill the cooler with water from the campground tap and pour it into my radiator. MoonStone crawls out of his tent and starts stoking the morning campfire. "The Napa in town opens at eight, they should have a water pump for your van," he says.

"Thanks dude," I say.

I pull out my wallet, see the folding money is getting kinda thin, but I pull out a ten anyway and hand it over to 'Stone: "Here, so you can get some breakfast for you and your sister."

He tries to hand me the money back as I'm getting into the van: "You don't have to do this, you need the money for your trip,"

"Well, consider it a donation to the cause, gotta eat to keep your strength up to spread the word, don't you?" I say.

"Ok man, thanks!" he says.

I fire up the van and head on down the road...