The Snowflake Chronicles

I Never Feel – Continued from yesterday

2 Jalal 164 B.E. – April 10, 2007


When I write, I feel like I don’t have a care in the world. I feel like the would could end and I’d never notice. I feel true freedom. I can write my thoughts and post them or I can write my thoughts and not post them, the choice is my. To post or not to post that is the question. When I write I don’t worry about what others are going to say or do to me. The writing itself is the yardstick of my success.

When I write, I see a new reality. Every experience of past, present and future becomes the food of my muse. Inspiration comes from the world around and the world within. I am the one who picks and chooses the words. I am in control of at least one thing when I’m writing. I am in control of the poem. I am in control of the fiction piece (or at least my subconscious is in control. How I approach a piece of writing comes from everything that has occurred or happened to me in the past. My writing is a combination of experience and imagination.

When I write, I discover my true self. The essence that is me comes through. My soul speaks and is heard, my ego speaks and is heard, my past self speaks and is heard, my future self speaks and is heard. I don’t have to worry about people walking all over me or laughing at me when I write. Sometimes those issues come in when I’m posting something, but not during the writing experience itself. I can write my thoughts; I can write the images of my imagination, I can write my beliefs and nonbeliefs, I can write about the eternal Beloved. When I write I choose the topic, unlike discussions with others where someone else often chooses the topic and if one insists on choosing the topic or hogging the conversation, he or she is selfish. Writing is an act of survival.

I am never lonely when I am writing. When I am writing I have all my friends around me and my enemies as well. They come out in my stories and my poems. When I write I have my family, both those living and dead. Everyone eventually comes out in my writing. Characters are combinations of memory, reality, the way things should be and the way they are. I write for therapy, I write to entertain, I write to discover my true self, I write because I can do nothing else.

I ache for the time to write. I’m in pain because there is not time enough in a day to write and do everything else. Writing is both a test and the passing of a test. Writing is a joy, a reason to live, a reason to love, a reason to exist. I write therefore I am, I dream therefore I write. I incorporate my dreams, my hopes, my disappointments. I write about everything and nothing because I am completed to write, I am obsessed with the concept of putting my thoughts on paper or into a word processor. I ache for time to write, I look for time to write, I go without food for time to write, I go without sleep for time to write.

Why do I write? I write because I have to, I write because I have the talent. I write because God created me to write. I write because it is an obsession. I write because it is salvation. I write because I don’t know how to not write. I write to learn to write. I write because I read. I write because I think. I write because I’m a dual natured creature with both a body and a soul. I write for my soul. I write for my body. I write for love and everything that is love. I write because writing is a positive action.

The rest of this piece to be continued in tomorrow’s entry.