Catching Idle Butterflies

A Fonder Heart

I wished for something last weekend, but never received it. I thought I prayed hard enough, wished deep enough, but it was not to be.

PlannerDan wrote perfectly about the feeling I had – an emptiness that had no cause or source, it was simply there (see "Invalid Entry" ). As a consequence of this emptiness, I couldn’t do all the other things I wanted. I was stuck.

I didn’t figure it out until after I read PlannerDan ’s entry the real reason behind my emptiness.

I wanted to spend time with a friend of mine. I called him, wrote to him, but he didn’t respond. I felt very much alone. I had all weekend, too. My husband was either working, or at his uncle’s farm, and I longed to spend quality time with my dearest friend.

But he stayed away.

While it saddened me, I really couldn’t blame him. He had his own plans, other friends and family he needed to spend time with, I’m sure. I knew we would reconnect again eventually. I did want him around this weekend, though.

A few of my recent blog entries contained a lot of spiritual depth, and I had hoped with Easter, I would continue writing more, if not better entries. Instead, I had nothing, not even enough will to talk about my boring, spiritual-vacuous day. Sure, I accomplished a lot of writing, but something was missing. Considering the holiday, I wanted to write about spiritual, faithful matters.

I had a difficult time wishing people a Happy or Blessed Easter. It simply wasn’t in me to bless, or wish anyone a happy anything, let alone write about it.

I’m sure you’ve figured out now the friend I missed this weekend.

But as PlannerDan said, and I noted in a comment, being empty may not be a bad thing. Sure it may hurt for a while, but it never lasts, and emptiness can provide more room to be filled.

Jesus had his reasons to be away this weekend. Perhaps, like with my human friends – and to use a cliche – absence makes the heart grow fonder. I may now appreciate more the times when he’s close, because when he’s away, I’m empty.