Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

03/18/07 - The Little White Pill

Okay, this hormone replacement therapy is not working. They come in a little compact, just like birth control pills. Is this package design supposed to make me feel better about taking them? Is it meant to trick me into thinking I'm not 'that age'? I've decided to stop taking it. Why? Well, there are several things that I've noticed about myself since this therapy began.

First of all, I feel like I have gained fifty pounds. The carb cravings, not to mention the sugar cravings, are intense. I don't dare step on a scale for fear the results would send me into cardiac arrest. I stupidly thought these pills would stop the cravings and not make them worse.

Next, I got a zit on the underside of my chin that was big, red, and throbbing. I swear it was about to grow a face and start talking to me. The sheer size of it made me think it was becoming a separate entity. Out of fear, I finally popped it and in doing so, I think I created another ocean. This thing drained for, what seemed like, hours.

Then there are the stomach or digestive issues. I was told the pills would upset my stomach, so I should take them at bedtime. By doing that, I should sleep through any upset stomach syptoms. Well, guess again. My stomach churns all night long. Loud, unusual sounds come from it. It sounds like there is a monster living in my digestive tract.

And finally, this past week while I was driving to work, I heard a commercial on the radio about catfood, or something to do with cats. I've heard this commercial countless times before, it was nothing new to me. However, I started crying because it made me think of our cat of 16 years, who passed away in September. I am way too emotional under the influence of these little white pills.

My sister suggested I see the local hippie chicks who have a health/nutrition store. They have all kinds of holistic remedies for anything that ails you. Shes sure they would have something for 'my condition'. So, we are planning to see what they have.

I think I would rather live with the hot flashes, night sweats and sleep interruptions rather than take these pills. They are the lowest dose too, so, it boggles my mind to think what would I be like on a bigger dose. Besides, all the symptoms they are supposed to alleviate, they seem to intensify. No thanks. I'll see what the hippie chicks have to offer.