Who Am I?

Foul mood afoot

Feb 28, 2007

I am in a baaaaaaad mood.  It hasn't been a bad day really, so I can't tell you why.  It's been nonstop.  Because I"m in a foul mood and don't know why we are going to discuss the events of my day..and if you see the reason I'm in a foul mood...please advise me of it...I may figure it out before I finish typing but that would depend on the sheer number of interruptions that occur.

I got up this morning at 6:10.  Got my beloved into the shower, got C up and dressings and went to get J up.  C and my beloved, her father, got into an arguement about the bathroom-she wants to dress in there...he wants to leave it free for anyone who might need it...they both copped attitudes and I had to mellow them both.  I don't do arguing in the morning...I try to keep the morning running smoothly and without too many issues.  Got J up and dressed and to the table for breakfast. Got C to get dressed and do her hair while my beloved was dressing.  I packed his lunch, gave J his medicine and bundled the kids out the door to the bus stop.  My beloved leaves at the same time. 

After everyone left I came home and had intended to go back to bed.  I was exhausted last night and really needed a couple hours more sleep...unfortunately the bills needed to paid.  So I turned on the alarm, thinking that when I got done paying bills there would still be time to lay down. 

Now, understand that I'm thrilled to have the money to pay our bills.  We got our tax refund check back and it was ear marked to pay some bills..lots of bills..and for the most part, other than a couple of bills that haven't come in, even March's bills are paid.  Some bills we'd gotten behind on are paid and that is a wonderful feeling.  But there is a specific thing we are saving to for that we also have to set aside the money...and so we were still juggling and trying to figure things out (my beloved was on IM with me).  I got frustrated trying to get things to even out.  By the time it was all taken care of it was amost 10.  I have to pick the boys up from the bus stop at 11(J and the one I babysit) -having to pick them up at the bus stop is another story and a very major issue for me right now...because they've been bringing them home. 

Anyway, I had to get something to eat and call Ivy Tech to discuss admission and what all I need to do before I can register for classes.  After that I jumped in the shower and headed to the bus stop.  Picked the boys up at 11, went and paid the water bill, the phone bill, and went to the bank.  Went to the grocery store and then picked up the new little girl I babysit from preschool (different from J's) and went to pay the insurance (car and house) and to the post office.  The grocery store saved me a trip inside the post office by selling me stamps.

We came home, ate lunch and while I was fixing lunch, the Schwan man came..if you don't have access to Schwans I'm sorry...it's expensive but the ice cream is wonderful.  The Schwan man is a friend from church so we visited while I ordered.  Got the kids settled for quiet time and ate my lunch.  I had exactly 25 min before J's headstart homebased teacher got here.  The phone rang 4 times and 3 different people IM'd me. 

His teacher came, I let J and S (new girl) get up..the other little boy I babysit fell asleep...she played with the kids..but I have to be involved...then sleeping boy's mom got here, took him and left.  The teacher left as the big kids walked in the door.

I've done snack and they have started homework.  The two little ones are playing in J's room.  In 1 hour I have to start supper so I can feed the kids before we leave for church.  IF C gets her chores done before we leave then I have to load the dishwasher and try to straighten the kitchen..if not I'll have to do it when I get home.

My beloved is meeting us there...when we get home he has to run payroll for the church.  I"m not sure if or when I'll be back on this evening.

It's been a productive day.  Not bad..just chaos and crazy...I should be grateful.  Instead I want to cry and curl up in a ball...I wish I could run away and hide for 10 minutes and I'm starting to feel very overwhelmed about going back to school..though it's something I want desperately.

I know God is on my side.  I know it will all be better and I just need to relax.  I know all the platitudes and all the other BS that can be said.  Why can't I just be smiling?  I want to be.  I know I"ve been blessed.  I know we are fortunate.  I know God has allowed us to walk through the fire and survive. 

Trying hard not to wallow...trying harder not to cry

I can roll with just about anything but I don't do chaos very well....

I am grateful to have a place I can vent without repercussions.

blessings
Vicky