The Absence of Wavelength

A.D.D. For Me

Part One of Two:

Chicken In Search of Head

Please return to my shoulders if found. Reward.
See man in the chicken suit for more information.



I'm Mr. Short Term memory these days. I can't commit or focus on one thing in my life or here at this website.

I'll rattle off a bunch of reviews and go hide. I seldom write. I'm supposed to be working on a freelance writing career with the help of the state rehabilitative services program. Why do I start something and then quit to move on to something else? I've had all of these balls in the air for so long now I'm beginning to wonder what those things are that hover over my head. Will they land on me? Squash me flat??

I could have ordered my laptop by now, but I always find a reason to delay that decision. I could be writing on the go. Instead, I start at the computer for about two minutes, get distracted by the kids or something else, come back and spend five minutes before something else comes along.

I really, really want to set some goals for myself and accomplish them. But I'm too obsessive compulsive to just let things happen. I'm trying to making everything perfect, plan it out so there will be no Snafus. I am trying to control my destiny, the outcome. I'm told my fear is success. I'm still trying to fathom that one. But I am used to being the one who let someone down, became a failure and went into hiding until the issues that confronted me went away. I'm trying to work inside my own little mindless hell.

I get lots of advice about what I should do. I even know what remedies I can pursue and this condition keeps me from getting the foothold in that door to recovery, to the realization of potential. Instead, I meander into this website and then idle. I procrastinate about the stuff I could be doing, worried about too many things that need doing, fear getting screwed by a publisher or someone with bad advice. I'm not giving trust much of a chance in my pursuit of publication.