The Absence of Wavelength

End of January

Did a lot of reviewing for the Angel Army this month. Not going to make 400 reviews with all the sickness we had at our house. But feeling better and tapering back on my meds. Yet, still playing it safe.

I wanted to enter the 'Dear Me' contest, but I'm too screwed up to figure out what my goals should be. Everything has been short term and long range just scares me. But I'm working through it.

If I had one goal. I would complete a novel. My second would be to see my book of poetry into print. But there are a lot of other issues not related to writing that will have to come first in order for the others to play out.

The encouragement I've received here is great. But I think I've lost sight of what I want to do with my writing skills and have to give that some more consideration. It's too easy to get caught up in contests, awards, merits and status that one aspires to achieve. I have little else to go on when looking for recognition.

I did find, however, that reviewing will get one noticed. It's taken me awhile to come around to the notion that good reviews are in demand and that I can sometimes provide them. My only shortcoming is my eyesight.

Reading longer or more complex works can wear me down -- eyestrain and just the frustration of knowing how limited my resources have become. It plays games with my head. That's probably why I overachieve at everything else. I want to feel I can still do something and be the best I can be at it. Sort of a self-preservation strategy. But I'm glossing over facts that are too hard to confront.

I got this prompt to update my journal and so here I am. But now, I need a shower before the little one gets up from her nap.

Ciao!