Who Am I?

On Friendship

Jan 25, 2007

As I sit here, listening to a Bon Jovi Cd-the song is Living on a Prayer and it brings me back to one of the earliest friendships I can remember. Now I will grant you, there were others but none that lasted as long or meant as much.  From 3rd grade on I had the same best friend.  Her name was Jenny and she was a year older than I.  She was an only child of parents who loved her ferociously and adopted me as their own.  We spent the night at each others houses in the early years, played at school and talked on the phone.  She graduated from the 8th grade (parochial school goes k-8) and went to High School.  It was scary for me because I thought I'd loose her.  I didn't.  When I graduated from 8th grade I went to a different high school-a parochial one because the public school was not such a good one...and the one she went to was a different township...it actually would have cost more to send me there.  I made friends, some of them I'm still friends with today.  But Jenny was still considered my best friend.  During the summers we went to camp...not usually the same week...so we wrote letters back and forth. During the school year we went roller skating, talked on the phone, went swimming in the summer...any number of things.  I would ride my bike the 30 min to her house and spend all day there.  I called her parents mom and dad and I shared with her more than I ever shared with anyone else..and vice versa I'm sure.  Even being in seperate schools didn't cause us problems.  I got along with her friends and she with mine...we both sang in choir at our schools and sang together all the time...Bon Jovi....which is where this entry started...we used to call and request the radio station to play it, then tape ourselves singing to it...She spent the night at my house frequently also..though my parents were less patient with the noise.  WE shared secrets, we shared stories, we shared things about our love lives that we told no one else.  We laughed, we cried, we made crank  calls. 

When she graduated to college, she went about an hour from home.  We still saw each other, talked on the phone, I even went to visit her.  She met a guy and I was absolutely thrilled for her.  I met him, liked him for her and we got along.  I was there every time they had problems.  I could see both sides and usually help her to work things out... that's one of my strong points...though sometimes it bites me in the butt, I usually can see both sides to a situation and play moderator.  After her first year at school, she decided to move back home and go to a local college...I on the other hand had applied to where she was, trying to be closer.  She still had the same boyfriend and I counted him as my only friend starting out.  Then they broke up...and people started telling her that he'd been cheating on her with me. ..which wasn't true...She however has a different view.  The truth is, that while he never cheated on her with me or anyone else.  We did end up falling in love.  I married him. None of it was ever hidden from her but she refused to speak to me.  At all.  After about 15 years we recently emailed back and forth.  While I can say it's a friendship saved, at least there has been forgiveness and discussion.  I don't know what she wants or expects...I don't know that it could even be a friendship again.  But I know my heart broke when I lost her.  And for anyone who would harp at me about unspoken rules and not dating your friends ex's...save it.  I don't need to hear it.  I don't need to be judged.  I love my husband, we've been married 13 years and as much as I love her as a sister, I would make the same choice now...though probably would handle it dfferently.

Onto a different friendship...4 1/2 years ago I met a lady named Becky.  Becky and I are about a year apart.  She has 2 kids Her sons birthday is the same day as my daughters, though 4 years apart.  She married early, is a sahm who works for her husbands business.  I met Becky in an online parenting group I joined just after my parents died. I was still pregnant with J.  Becky has seen me through so MANY things.  She's been there for me, listened to me. Cheered me up, given me advice on my kids, given me advice on my marriage and shared with me her life.  She is a huge Duran Duran fan and is loyal and true.  I know that if I need Becky she's a phone call or IM away.  But I have never met Becky.  I pray one day I do.  We talk about it.  She lives about 8 hours away.  Both families battle financial difficulties but  I hope one day we can erase the miles.  Truthfully though it doesn't matter.  While I would like to meet Becky, have our families meet (she cares about my kids and my beloved..they joke and talk too)  I call her husband Gramps and get picked on if he's online too. ....the bond that has been created is second to none.  I pray for Becky daily just as I pray for my family.  She has been a blessing to me.  And can make me laugh...and can tell in an instant message within a couple of lines if something is wrong...she might as well be sitting across from me...so while there are those that say online friendships can't be real...I say they can be.  Can you get hurt..sure...can you be mislead, of course.  That can happen face to face as well.  That's why it's important in any relationship to build up to the point you share your lives and your information and to pay attention to instinct. 

My beloved is my best friend in the world.  He was a friend before a lover and that friendship is something that can be seen by many.  We have had our issues and there have been times I didn't think we'd make it..but God is there and has seen us through.  We are able to joke and laugh.  I keep no secrets from him.  I try to put him before myself and he treats me like his queen..and plays jokes on me..the smart alleck...lol  I adore him.  I know that God intended for us to marry and as much as it hurt to lose my best friend from my youth...I truly believe God laid down the path we were put upon.  Pain was involved and we all had to grow...but God never said His plan was easy...just that following it would bless us and that it was His will.

I believe that God places people in our lives as we need them or they need us.  Sometimes it's in person, sometimes it's online.  Sometimes it's at church.  I have one friend from church I never believed I would be close to...I love her dearly and share in her life daily.  She is there for me and I for her.  We laugh alot.  She lives 10 minutes away, and has for years though we only met 2 years ago.  I have another friend who I've known for about 5..kids played ball together when C was 5...until a couple of years ago we were't close.  That relationship evolved with time.  I have other online friends who I care about...who come and go.  We touch base as we can.  They are wonderful people whose lives get in the way sometimes.  My point.....I believe that people are put into our lives for a reason and I think God can use any medium to get two people together (or more) for His purpose. 

Have I lost friends?  Sure and it hurts like hell.  And I'm not one for risks.  I only let people in so far and then I choose very carefully who I will let in.  If I've cried on your shoulder...you can consider yourself in......and it can be a virtual shoulder....being there means being available and being willing to listen..whether it's to my voice or to what I'm typing on the screen.  It's being honest and being willing to be real.  But life is a risk and friends are one of the joys God gives us...risky or not.  But I'm not going to sit back and refuse to be friends with someone just because I may never meet them, just because I can't see them.  I know the written word can sometimes not portray the sentiment, can cause mixups...happens face to face too...I know this for fact, having stuck my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion.  My point?  You figure it out. 

What am I thankful for today?  For Jenny, For Becky, for my beloved and for all my other friends, past and present because they've shaped me, shaped my life and whether it was a long relationship or short one, they blessed me and hopefully I did the same.


Blessings and hugs (and I only hug my friends
Vicky