Ins and Outs of my Life

I need to update my account

I used to update all the time and now I have gone about a year with a basic free membership. I need to send some money in soon so I can do more with my account.
The last few weeks I have been doing a lot of reading and reflecting on myself. I have figured out I am a people pleaser. I am better than I used to be-- but reading this book by Joyce Meyers really opened my eyes to some things I need to work on. I have always had somewhat of a low self esteem. i do not know for the life of me why. Most people have a rotten childhood to blame for self esteem problems. But I have had a great one. But I still do things for others at the expense of my own comfort and stress level. I even can look back in this journal and see where I've done it.
I guess the thing is I don't know always how I feel and what I want because I have always done what othere wanted or expected or told me to do. DOes that make sense? In the last year I have started doing things more for me since my kids are getting older and I have some down time here and there.
One thing in the book is about our perceptions. For instance we may think someone feels one way because they do something that triggers a memory that someone else did. For instance, my mom used to slam kitchen cabinets when she was upset. The other day as my husband slammed cabinets for no reason at all I found myself stressed and thinking he was mad about something. I remembered what I read. I even asked him to make sure, "are you mad about something?" and of course he wasn't. SO some things in the book make sense to me. We actually laugh in my family now about mom and the cabinets--but in some part of me-- hearing cabinets slam --stresses me.
D- has been really sick. He missed Thurs and Fri back at school. Today he seems better- no fever for the first time in a week. The antibodies didn't start ( doctor orders to wait before starting them) until late Friday. So he is just starting to feel better. I really think he needs to stay home another day but it will be hard with our schedules. Maybe I can arrange to leave at half a day with him if he feels bad at school. I teach at his school. It is such a pain to get a sub but I will if I have to.
Talking of doing more for myself -- i took an oil painting class. I have been painting and loving it. My works look pretty good too.
I am planning on working on my novel too. It is only half way done. I want to at least get the first draft down and start revising.
Another goal of mine is to exercise again. 6 months ago i was losing weight as I walked everyday. I need to get back in the groove!!!