Mental Meanderings

The Murky Depths

Forgive the anti-socialism I'm projecting at the moment. I really don't much want to be here. I'd like to go back to bed and forget the world exists for another few days. I can't even understand what's thrust me down to these murky depths. It feels like a very strange low but I suppose it's good that it happens now because that means come next week, Christmas Day, I should be feeling better.

I guess it's a build up of pressure. I'm running a very tight balance and it's so easy to push off either side and plummet down the bottomless pit of despair. Normally turning to my writing at this point would help but mostly it just pushes me into anxiety today. I try to be here, just hoping that forcing myself out of bed and into reality to a degree will help but my head keeps shouting at me to run away.

I feel a bit rediculous putting this here but in the absense of anything else to write about the other option would be to let another day pass without a blog entry. I've already let myself down about my blog over the past few days that it's definately time I started insisting on getting it written.

Can you believe it's only a week till Christmas? One week and then the chaos of Christmas day. A week and a day till the deflation of having built up an ideal only to have it far underreach all expectations. lol Gee I'm in such a positive frame of mind. The good news I guess is that I've done most of the Christmas shopping. I still haven't got the tree up but that's on the plans for today. I'll push myself to do it and not go to sleep until it's done.

Blah. This is like hot pins under my nails. I give up. G'night. Time to go back under my covers and hope the day goes away.