Opus

my rabbit died

my rabbit died yesterday........it was my fault. god, i loved her so much. i just wish i could take it back, i miss her.  she was my favorite, and now she's gone.  the finality of death strikes down like a hammer of justice, a gavel decreeing the irrevocable final sentence...everywhere i look i see the image of her as she was just two days ago.  she is everywhere, but nowhere....she is gone from me.  she is smoke and vapor fading away and i just held her two days ago, flesh and blood and warm and heavy.  i loved her so much. i want her back, i want to say sorry, i want to pet her and let her know i love her.  i wish i were God so i could grant her immortality.

i saw her.  after she died, i picked her up and looked at her, at her frozen eyes and sealed nostrils...yep, she was dead...i had to see for myself.  i had to touch her one last time and say i'm sorry.  I looked at her body, willing it to start breathing again, I thought I saw her eye blink, I thought I saw her coming back to life.  but i couldn't save her, i wasn't there when she needed me, I could have saved her had she been home with me instead of in a cold steel cage shivering and alone...she just gave up, she checked out, abandoned in a strange place with cold doctor's hands touching her body.

Oh God I'm so sorry, i wish i could have been there, i wish it had never happened.  i loved her so much.