Mental Meanderings

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

Yeah guess I will. I should head to sleep in 5 minutes but odds are I won't. I figure I'll toss a blog entry up here. Why the hell not. Well I would if the darn Chat Roomies don't keep roping me back with hilarious converstaion. Why do people have to be so interesting and fun? *chuckles* G'night nutters.

Anyway, finally free of their clutches for the night now lets get a blog entry in here about, um, something. I was supposed to have written an article at some point this week. Except I wasn't inspired by anything in particular and as I normally do it I ended up leaving it till the last minute.

So today I judged the Tools of Poetry Workshop and handed out the goodies then settled in to write the article so I could put up week 11's lesson. And I sat and I settled and I stared at the screen for a bit them wandered off, and came back, and wandered off, and came back, and wandered off. Now it's gone midnight and all I've written is: Week 11 - Allusion.

*grimaces* I'll write it tomorrow at some point. I won't got to sleep until it's written and that could be challenging since odds are I'll be out all day. At least until dinner time. I get up and have just enough time to check my email before I take my daughter to school. Then it's over to my mother's house to share breakfast with her and we're meeting with my grandmother for lunch later in the day. By the time that's done it'll be time to pick up Kaylie from school then drive half way into the city to drop mother off at a friend work. After that however I have her car for the night and drop it back to her at some point on Thursday.

Busy day, might lead to take away. Probably shouldn't *sighs* I'm trying to be good. Haven't had chocolate all week and OMG I WANT SOME!! *sighs* But I know how bad it is for me. For some reason all sugar is detrimental to any idea's of having the kind of figure I want. I had a short moan about it earlier today with my mother. *grimaces* I sound like I'm still on her apron strings but she and I have a great relationship, we're like friends, it's weird. lol

She suggested I start dating again. Apparently for her the prospect of a man gives her motivation to lose weight but I've found the reverse happen for me. When I'm single I go after what I want and when I date I go after what HE wants. For some reason all the guys I've dated like curvy. What's up with that. I swear, having a guy absolutely love you the way you are and share meals with you that are terrible for your health is not the way to stay motivated to get healthy. Sometimes I think I should hook up with a health freak. One who'll yell at me any time I even look at Golden Arches or Cadbury's. Or at least find someone who can relate to the fact that I want to drop ten kg's and will help keep me sane while I go after what I want.

Where are all the guys you see women bitch about in movies? You know the ones where she goes, "MY BOYFRIEND THINKS I'M FAT!!!" sob sob lets eat two forkfuls of lettuce. *winks at Ger* Be seriously, I'm full of it since I don't want a guy like that either. I've realised the biggest reason I'm having trouble staying on the healthy lifestyle straight and narrow is because I'm pretty darn happy with who I am right now. Sure I could stand to drop 10kgs but I'm not about to starve myself to do it. Chocolate keeps life interesting. lol Yep, excuses excuses. I'm going for the happy medium. Where I can have a little chocolate and feel a little guilty but when I'm good, most of the time. With diet anyway, no promises on me being a good girl with anything else.

Anyea teased me today about my writing. I know she was having fun but I have to admit it drags a few home truths up I'd rather not face. I know I'm a professional procrastinator. Can't write worth a damn because I just don't sit down and actually do the writing. I know I should but I come here and I find my keyboard and I can chat for hours and write 1700 word emails (sorry Ger) but the stories aren't ready for the page yet. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Seriously I just have to get on my ass about it because the truth is I'm not taking myself or my career seriously enough.

I can't even blame being bipolar the moment since I've been on fairly even keel for a few days now. Not particularly high nor particularly low. A steady swing between one emotion and the next all day long. This is the comfortable me. The place I know I'm doing ok. When I'm high I feel INCREDIBLE but I accomplish a LOT and if I could remain there I'd be in heaven. But highs always lead to lows when I don't even want to get up. This medium is nice, I get up and I get a little done but man I wish the inspiration and motivation would come with normality.

Again, just got to sit and do it at some point. But not tonight. Tonight I'm heading for bed. And tomorrow I face RL. I should face the housework at some point too. *pouts* Maybe I should set a goal reward. FINISH TDG and when I sign a publication contract I'll hire a housekeeper. *grins* Now that would be motivational. lol

Time for sleep. G'night all.