Mental Meanderings

Cheating Again

*copied from my DWC entry*

I’ve been out most of today and did a little contract work when I got home. Yesterday I started a poem called Faltering Soul. That was the prompt too, a title prompt and I have a great concept for it. I can picture it, I can feel it but for some reason I can’t put it to paper the way I want to. I’ve saved a version attempted today and I know if I can get it right it would be a stunningly beautiful, touching poem.

I’ve given up trying to do it tonight. I’m not in the right frame of mind and this one really requires a difficult internal transformation so that I can capture the integrity and emotion needed to make the poem effective. It is strange how sometimes poetry just comes, and other times the idea’s come but the form doesn’t. Lately I’ve had plenty of ideas but no form. It gets frustrating.

I’ll try again tomorrow. Now I’m just looking forward to getting DWC and blog done so I can turn off for the night. I’m tired and my head aches. I’d love to have a hot shower, or maybe a steaming, scented bath. But those kinds of rewards have to wait until I’ve finished here.

So, um, how many words am I supposed to do today? It is the 26th of October, day 26, and the word count requirement is 725 words. I can do that.

National Novel Writing Month is getting closer. It’s less than a week until Halloween and November starts the next day. I’m both excited and intimidated. I’ve written the 50,000 words before but each time I know it’s a challenge. Especially with the way my moods have been see-sawing lately and the way my sleep patterns are out of wack.

Still, I’m looking forward to the challenge and I expect when November 1st rolls around and I can actually start the Travel Journal my energy on the whole idea will lift again. Right now it feels like I’m in a holding pattern, flying miles about the earth just circling and circling waiting for the command to bring her in. That’s actually a rather nice way to look at it. I’m just circling for a few more days before I can land.

Meanwhile, there is plenty I can be getting on with. Tomorrow morning I’m taking Josh to playgroup and then visiting the library after that. I should be home by noon. I want to give that Faltering Soul another attempt but I should also write the Simile article for the Tools of Poetry Workshop. It would also be great to get three or four articles lined up for the workshop to tide me over November since I’ll hopefully be busy that month with my book.

Sometimes it continues to be tempting to call it quits with the workshop. It’s a big drain on my emotional resources. But of course I only ever consider that when I’m in my lows and a part of me things it’s probably because it’s something I can give up on without feeling too guilty. I’d rather be able to keep at it, make it work and know I’ve accomplished something great.

I’m one of those unstable sorts who have started a lot of projects and completed very few. One of my biggest faults is the fact that I don’t follow through. I guess that’s why I’m so steadfast with DWC and my blog. These are two things that I repeatedly follow through on. I complete them. Every day. To me that is an incredible accomplishment.

It’s also one of the reasons I love poetry. Because I can complete it. I enjoy the challenge but it endures my attention span and gets completed. There are other things in various stages of completion but I lose momentum and struggle to find my way back to task. If I give up PPP it would be another project I didn’t stick with. I do enjoy running the group, it’s challenging but it’s great being able to meet other poets and actually discuss poetry.

When it comes to incomplete projects however the list seems far longer. I suspect a great deal of my stress comes from lack of organization. I’ve never figured out how to accomplish successful time management. Perhaps that is another topic I should research?