Jonah's Journey

trapped in the mall

Yesterday Jonah's school was closed for Yom Kippur. Andy did have school, though, so I had to stay home from work and watch Jonah all day.

I decided to take him to the just-renovated Colonie Center Mall

http://www.shopatcoloniecenter.com/other/renderings.html

and see if he'd let me put him in one of those car-strollers they have. But before I could even steer him in that direction, he pointed to a shoe store and pulled me toward it. I tried to re-direct him but he started to fight me so I figured "okay, whatever" and I let him lead. The manager of the shoestore greeted Jonah and I explained that Jonah doesn't talk and that he has autism. Then he asked if he could help us, and I told him Jonah just wanted to walk around. The guy was very friendly and said take your time -- the store was empty -- and so then Jonah pulled me to the back of the store...

...where he began to perseverate on a sock hook, pulling the socks off and putting them back on, which was fine for the first 20 minutes until the store started to fill up with customers and I decided it was time to go. I counted down from 5 minutes and when I got to "time to go," my kid obviously wasn't going anywhere. "EH!" he yelled loudly, and squirmed away to run up the aisle and back down the other side.

I stopped and thought a minute. What the hell should I do?

I tried another countdown. Another 5 minutes. Another failure. I tried to pick him up but he kicked and screamed, then threw himself on the floor.

At this point I HAD to get going; my mom was meeting me at my house to babysit Jonah while I went to a meeting for him at the Medicaid office downtown.

I stopped trying to force him to leave, and he stopped yelling and fussing and started to play with the sock hook again.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my mom, but she had already left. I considered asking a stranger to help me, but everyone in the store was already giving me that all-judging, you're obviously a bad mother who can't control her kid glare.

In retrospect, I suppose I could have asked the manager to call mall security, but my God, at the time I would have felt so ridiculous...I mean, mall security to control and evict an out-of-control four-and-a-half year old???

Now I was frazzled and on the verge of tears. I got down on my knees next to him and tried speaking soothingly to him. Please, monkey, momma needs to go....

Finally I said a string of Hail Marys.....prayer to the ultimate mom of the ultimate challenging child.....and She gave me the idea of using my cell phone as a lure....

...so I whipped it out and turned it on and handed it to him (I never let him play with my cell phone so it was a very special thing for him) and steered him where I wanted him to go while he called Zimbabwe or West Bumblefuck, who knows.....

...and finally, for the last 100 feet or so to the car (which felt like a looooong way) I did end up having to carry him kicking and screaming and grabbing my glasses because he threw himself on the ground and refused to move. "NO hittting momma! NO HITTING MOMMA!" I'm yelling, and the tears are falling once again, and I'm trying to avoid people's stares, and I'm cursing myself for ever trying this in the first place, and I'm wishing there were some place for autistic kids and their tired, fucked up parents who are operating on their last nerves....somewhere open on the days school is out and in the afternoons and evenings, someplace like chuck e cheese only without the judgement.

Last week someone told me they didn't believe the autism birth rate was every one in 166 kids. "Where ARE all these kids?" they asked, "I never see any of them!"

That, I told her, is because they're all at home, hibernating with their parents who don't dare try to take them out because it isn't worth the stress and public humiliation.

I should open up that disabled kids center myself.







"Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried."
         ~ Mae West (1892 - 1980)

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