NOW THAT'S NOT FUNNY

The Utterly Ridiculous Side of Living GREEN

First of all I like to garden...

I like gardening to be easy... which it ain't.

I got to wonder how all the farmers of yore got plants to grow before there were all these chemicals, mulches, and additives.

I guess I'm just lazy; all I want to do is just put some seeds into some dirt and get vegetables.

OH NO... I've got to go the some gardening center and buy and haul potting soil, fertilizers, mulch, and other assorted stuff home. Seems regular dirt is not suited for growing ANY THING. Do you really think God created gardening centers? I don't believe God intended for mankind to have to spend thirty dollars to get five dollars worth of tomatoes to grow, do you?

Where has all the good dirt gone? I know I can buy good dirt, but where do the people who sell good dirt get it?

Does that mean I need to start composting? I don't want to compost...

And let's talk for a minute about water. It seems to me that the water that comes out of my faucet is killing my plants. I read that chlorine, in case you want to know, is a gaseous, poisonous, corrosive, greenish-yellow chemical element of the halogen group that combines with nearly every other element. Chlorine is widely used to purify water and as a disinfectant - but for some reason if chlorine is in the water that is used to water plants, it encourages the growth of stuff that is bad for plants. I'm so confused...

I've looked into rain barrels... I'm thinking I could catch rain water and use that to water my plants... but I have to be careful to cover it so mosquitos don't breed, and my grandchildren don't drown.

The recent national spinach infected with E. coli problem has proven to me that we all need to eat as many products grown locally as we can. All that spinach in those nice plactic bags... well it loses over half of its nutritional value within one day. Don't take my word for it... research it yourself. Damn Rachael Ray... she's always encouraging people to "take the help where you find it" telling people to use the prewashed salads stuff in the bags... like I said... Damn her...

Anyway... I also read that most of all the food that is available in the grocery stores has traveled at least 1500 to 2000 miles. I'm not sure about the Whole Foods Market, but damn Whole Foods is at the top end of my budget...and that's why I want to grow my own vegetables in the first place.

I got other problems with gardening too... seems most plants need to be pollinated... duh... but in addition to all the other problems created by hurricanes Katrina and Rita it seems our honey bee population took a huge hit as well... and with the increased spraying for mosquitos... I'm having to figure out how to pollinated my own plants... yep... PLANT SEX... which is not nearly as fun as people sex... and now I actually know what the difference is between a male and female squash. I want ya'll to know I could have lived the rest of my entire life NOT KNOWING THAT... and been very content.

And while I was checking out a hydroponics site... I'm just a glutton for punishment... I made the mistake of clicking on a link for even more Eco-Friendly suggestions.

Mind you, I have trouble sweeping and mopping my floors, dusting lamp shades and other shit... I manage to keep the dust collectors to a minumin... but maybe ya'll know already, but I was absolutely floored when I read the following suggestion:

Clean Your Light Bulbs!
Don't forget to clean your light bulbs (while the power is off). Dust build up can reduce the light intensity by 25%.