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Bus Riding

Hello fellow internet users.

I got to ride the bus yesterday but it wasn't quite as glamorous as it sounds. I love riding up top on the double decker buses in England, (it doesn't take much to please me), but that feels different than riding the monolevel buses around here.

I decided to take the bus yesterday in order to reconnect with the downtrodden and exploited. I don't spend much time with society's underbelly, now that I'm rich and famous. (Actually one of the requirments for being rich and famous is staying aloof but if any other rich and famous person saw me on the bus I'd just say I wasn't sure what aloof means) (Fortunately you don't have to be smart to be rich and famous)

I boarded the bus with a cheery "Good morning downtrodden and exploited bus riders.", but I was greeted with only stoney silence and dirty looks. I had forgotten how cruel the car-less, bus riding pecking order can be to the new kid on the bus.

I made my way down the aisle and found a seat near a window. (I love window seats) The bus began pulling away before I was even seated which surprised me. I didn't expect we'd move until I was comfy. I must say I was disappointed with the level of service. There wasn't any witty banter from the bus driver or mention about the various sights we passed along the way. Everyone sat in silence with the most gloomy looking faces. I wondered if a rousing bus riding song, like the ones I remember singing in summer camp, would help cheer them up, but it felt strangely awkward singing 99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall all by myself. I got more dirty looks and none of the love and comradery I had expected. I suppose travelling without armrests makes for grumpy people.

We rode in uncomfortable silence until a beautiful but gothically clad young woman got on and made her way down the aisle to where I was sitting.

"Hello beautiful but gothically clad young woman." I said, as she stood there staring at me.

"You're in my seat. I always sit there." She replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the seats were assigned. I'll move then." I said starting to get up.

"Don't bother. It doesn't matter now. I can't sit there...not after you've been sitting there. I hate sitting where other people's bums have been." She said as she sat down next to me.

I suddenly felt self conscious about my bum and didn't know quite how I should respond. "Ummm...okay." I mumbled.

"You seem different." She said staring point blank at me.

"Different?" I replied feeling even more selfconscious.

"Yeah. You seem special somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it."

(I like being special)

"Oh you must be referring to me being rich and famous."

"No...that's not it. Have you ever eaten a live bee before?" She asked with her heavily madeup eyes that seemed to peer into my very soul.

"A bee?"

"Yeah, a bee. You know...a honey bee. Buzz buzz."

"Ummm no. I haven't."

"Well I have."

"Couldn't a bee sting you in the mouth or in your throat as you swallowed it? Isn't that dangerous?" I asked somewhat puzzled.

"Yeah. That's the whole point. You have to swallow it without getting stung or else you could die." She said quite matter of factly.

"I'd never do anything like that. Besides being rich and famous, I'm also a vegetarian and a big animal lover."

"What? Vegetarians can't eat bees?" She seemed surprised.

"Nope. Vegetarians don't eat bees."

"What about grasshoppers or crickets?"

"Nope. We don't eat them either. I'd never think of eating a cricket. Not only would I find that gross but I happen to have a cat named Cricket and I wouldn't eat him either. I could never do anything like that. I'd rather starve first."

"What? Are you telling me you always follow the rules?"

"I believe in honour and duty." I replied, trying not to let myself be distracted be her various earrings and piercings.

"So you've never peed in your cat's litter box?" She asked with a puzzled face.

"No." The thought had never occured to me.

"Not even once?"

"Nope. Never."

"Have you ever lied to your cat?" She asked.

"Nope...not that I can remember anyways. Why would I lie to my cat?"

"In order to decieve him...obviously."

I could tell she and I saw the world through very different eyes. We both lost track of time as we rode around on that bus for the rest of the morning, talking about all manner of things. (I never realized I had no opinion on bread clips, nor that they could be used as fashion accessories or as sex toys)

Bus riding was a most enlightening experience. I must consider doing it again.

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