From June 21 Onward

I never update on time

July 21, 2006

(I think it's funny how I'll never forget how to format these entries consistently.)

It's been another year, and once again I return to this journal just a bit late to sum up events, draw conclusions, and enlighten, entertain, or disappoint whoever still reads this (more likely those who stumble randomly upon it than any "readership", real or imagined, which I ever had).

It has been a year of revelations for me. My first real place, my first year of college, my first real girlfriend, my first experiences with psychoactive compounds. All of which have taught me many lessons.

My first roommate, Nick, sort of bailed out on me. As my mom warned, he may not have been as accustomed to living poor as I have, and moving out of spite for his parents would not prove strong enough motivation to really want to live on cheap sandwiches and ramen noodles in a less than climate-controlled environment. He took an opportunist move, using his grandmother's recent death to have his name removed from the lease which we had both committed to for a year, and went back to his parents' place, where they continued to berate him with demands on his lifestyle which he once proclaimed as unforgivable. I never liked that he did that, since he sort of left me to fend for myself, but he's still a great friend of mine and I understand he was just doing what he thought best for his own situation.

Now, by "fend for myself", I'm being somewhat dishonest. In the transition of his abandoning ship, my best friend since middle school, Josh, became the new roommate. However, Josh had difficulty holding a job, and the one he ended up with most recently was as a server at a restaurant which baited him with very good tips during the holidays then switched with sub-minimum-wage earnings afterward. The restaurant soon closed down. Since then I have been supporting both of us, but I don't mind at all because nobody knows me like Josh and vice-versa. He would do the same for me had our situations been reversed.

Another life-changing event was the first girlfriend. And I mean first in every aspect. She was my first kiss, my first official relationship beyond middle school, my first fumbling foray into sex. It began in December, and I became enamored. She was beautiful and had the kind of refined musical taste that I've always looked for in a girl, and she was a little bit crazy too. It lasted a month officially, but continued informally until May when we became official for one more month before finally parting ways. The problem with her was that I was still my old self, the one writing all those pathetic entries years ago which form the majority of this journal. The typical "nice guy". I thought I'd finally found a girl who could appreciate me, but I simply found a girl who was willing to use my subservience as a handle for manipulation. She walked all over me, and I gave her flowers. Blech. I'm not sure what happened, but I finally broke myself of that and let myself be honest in my own mind about what was happening and put an end to our relationship. She has since tried to make amends on more than one occasion, almost desperately after she'd seen the new person I've become, but I doubt her motives and honestly she turns my stomach now that I've realized how she treated me.

Since then my success with the opposite sex as well as the social sphere in general has sky-rocketed. No longer content to be the uber-polite stand-aside I once was around anyone but the closest of friends, I've become an assertive man who is aware of what he deserves in all aspects of his life and is more than willing to reach out and grab it, making no unnecessary apologies or submissions along the way. I'm an intelligent, attractive guy. I always have been. The difference is that now I portray it.

I also visited Washington, DC, this year. It was a move mostly to get away from the ex for a little while. It was also secretly meant to one-up her; she bragged that she was going to spend the weekend partying at a local Kansas college town, so I slammed some money down on a plane ticket and went to the nation's capital. Beat that you lying, deceitful bitch. Haha. Immature and spiteful, I know. Yet satisfying. And the trip was a good release and an even better experience.

These days I pay the bills via ad revenue from a lyrics database website I built back in my senior year. I'm currently involved in a website project which is local in nature (I won't be specific, trade secret); once it explodes (and it will), we will expand to other cities. I also have roughly ten other website ideas on the table, each of which can make me about as much as my lyrics site does now. This may sound like a lofty goal, but I hope to be making at least $100,000 a year by the time I update this journal again.

Until then, I'm moving back into my mom's old trailer which she just left. The rent and bills there will be far cheaper than they are here, so the idea is to save money for a while and then get a loft in Wichita's Old Town. It's a short-term sacrifice (living in a trailer park) for my design of long-term success.

At the moment, I'm making more friends and contacts than I've ever had at once. I'm also talking to several women with great potential and enjoying single life until I decide when and with whom I want to pursue a deeper relationship. I feel like my life is accelerating and converging toward another breaking point. I feel its imminence like an unexplainable presence. On the downside, the aforementioned roommate and best friend is in jail for repeated traffic violations, and may be there for some time (they got him to report in for a five-day sentence, and then told him it could be up to six months). His step-dad is having an attorney look into the situation, so the best I can do about it for now is hope for the best.

If you read all the way through, thanks for your interest...it's a pretty long update. But then again, so much has happened, more than I've even managed to fit. I love feedback by the way; any advice or words of encouragement for someone in this fast-paced, exciting stage of life are greatly appreciated and will be reciprocated. As always, I will close with recommended listening, because music is so very important, and truly good, artistic music is absolutely priceless: 10,000 Days by Tool. That's right, the whole album, from beginning to end. Do it. While reading the lyrics. Guaranteed to make you think about some things a little differently, or at least send chills down your spine.

And with the ending of this entry, the beginning of another chapter in my life.

~ Dris ~