Straight No Chaser

Taking a Breather

and a much-needed one.

1. have you ever seen a penis?
yes.

2. do you like watching musicals?
i sometimes can't believe that anyone doesn't. i have seen twenty-something of them on or off broadway, to date, and except for cats, which was just a little too eighties for me, i loved them all. the lion king was absolutely amazing, like everyone says. you should definitely go see it if you have the chance.

3. what type of bed do you have?
a four-poster twin in blond wood.

4. who is the last person you kissed on the lips?
marcus.

5. name four items in front of you.
my security token, a pen that's not mine, a styrofoam container of leftover pizza and a very important post-it note.

6. do you like spiders?
i have nothing against them. except the wolf spider, which is criminally gross.

7. ever heard of dj rankin?
is that who nicole richie is or was marrying?

8. is there a mirror in your room?
unfortunately, yes, a very large one that i've at this point mostly covered with pictures and stickers and things.

9. have you ever shown your naked body to a member of the opposite sex?
"shown" is a weird word to use there. "so then...this is it." no. not like that.

10. do you believe in love at first sight?
sure, if you're telepathic and can predict the future. otherwise it's probably a terrible idea.

11. what color top are you wearing?
chocolate brown. looks good on me.

12. what religion are you?
i was christened in a methodist church, baptized fifteen years later, and now i suppose you could say i attend a baptist church.

13. do you love music?
yes.

14. ever had an internet boyfriend or girlfriend before?
no.

15. how old were you when you had your first alcoholic drink?
don't remember. it was never built up to be a momentous thing, for us, so whenever it happened, it was probably a sip of someone's wine or something, and my lasting impression was that it tasted bitter.

16. what is your favorite part of yourself?
the girth of my penis.

17. how many messages do you have on your phone right now?
as many as it will hold, because i never ever check my cell phone voicemail.

18. are your parents racist?
they have their prejudices, and they make generalizations like anybody, but they don't hate anyone, no.

19. have you ever been so drunk you blacked out?
no.

20. how many pets do you have?
two cockatiels at home, one out there in the world somewhere, having flown away when i was seventeen.

21. do you think babies are cute?
i hate them!

22. do you cry easily?
not anymore. freshman and sophomore years, i had "too much water," as the geishas would say, and i let myself cry about everything. i have since realized that it's not a good look for me.

23. if you won a billion dollars, what would be the first thing you'd buy?
a notepad and pen, so i could sit down and plan out how i'd use the rest of it.

24. do you want to get married?
not just for the hell of it, no, but there's someone i think i'd like to be married to eventually, and i'd like to be married before i have kids, and i want to have kids. so, probably. almost definitely.

25. ever painted your nails black?
probably, to be silly. i can probably count on one hand the number of times i've consciously set a nail brush to my fingernails. i'm not one for much self-adornment.

26. who do you really want to be with right now?
marcus, and i will, tomorrow.

27. have you had alcohol today?
no.

28. is there a certain movie you always cry at when you watch it?
homeward bound. don't laugh.

29. why do the writers of these surveys invariably forget to include at least one number?
hell if i know. bad counters, maybe.

30. do you think that if you were prettier life would be better?
it would be easier and i'd get the small things i wanted more often, sure. but it wouldn't help me in the long run, or on the things that really matter. well. i don't know. the lsat is competitive, my score will be contingent on the scores of the other people who took it yesterday, so if i were pretty enough to have been a distraction to the thirty or so guys in my testing room, i might have scored myself an extra zero point one percent of a point, or something. it's a big country.

31. who always makes you smile?
marcha. everyone else sometimes makes me frown.

32. is the light on or off?
on, but with blinds up. he's a very bright guy, contrary to what most people think.

33. can you touch the ceiling?
if it's not more than six feet high, i can.

34. do you like "south park"?
yes. sorry.

35. what is the first word that you think of?
"each." my cube neighbor has been repeating it nonstop into the telephone for about two minutes, inexplicably.

36. ever worn a skirt?
i'm wearing one now. i wear them maybe four times a week, for work. jeans on friday.

37. does smoking disgust you?
honestly, yes, it does.

38. do you like someone who you know you shouldn't?
more than one someone, in fact.

39. where are you right now?
at work.

40. do you like your legs?
i like them from the knees up, but down below they are just way too skinny, and bowed. and i have my grandmother's weird ankles.

41. have you ever stayed up for more than three days in a row?
yes. it's miserable.

42. are you tired?
yes, almost always.

43. would you like to be famous for the rest of your life?
only if i do something to deserve it. not just because someone decides i'm en vogue and wants to exploit me through my living days. but i don't think i'd have a problem being known and loved by all, so long as i still get my little bit of private time each day.

44. would you ever like to work at a strip club?
not except as extremely behind-the-scenes managerial staff or something. i could never be a stripper, i'm too skinny and too shy; i wouldn't want to serve food and drinks to loud horny guys; i don't have time to earn my bartender's license. that leaves management. and i'd only do that in a severe financial pinch.

45. do you like champagne?
no.

46. do you listen to certain songs on repeat for hours?
i can listen to certain favorites three or four times in a row.

47. how would you like to die?
painlessly and with family.

48. would you like to meet up with someone you met over the internet?
sure, i'd like to meet everyone i've met over the internet. some more than others.

49. don't you just LOVE disney movies?
yes, i do. another gift from my grandfather.

50. what are you going to do now that this quiz is over?
go buy marcus's dad a father's day card.

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