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Fun Little Memories

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I remembered a couple times when I got locked out...so I'll share my embarrassing moments with you!

Back in February 1993, I lived with a real ditzy bitch. She's nice, just really dumb! Anyway, she threw her boyfriend out (a smart move, he was a real asshole) and demanded he return the house key. Well, he gave her a key, and ditzy bitch assumed it was the house key. Ha! That fucker gave her some other key and locked us out of the house.

She calls the cops and a town cop came to help us. There was one window open, but up kinda high...so I (stupidity must be contagious) offer to let the cop boost me up through the window. Well, I manage to get myself stuck hanging by my now-aching stomach halfway in and halfway out of the window. The cop, in his amazing brilliance, lifts my legs straight up...dropping me through the window, headfirst. Thank the gods there was a couch under the window! I was sore for a few days after that one!


When my daughter was a baby we lived in a small, upstairs apartment that had originally been 2 very small apartments, so there was a deadbolt lock on our kitchen door. My purse, the diapers and wipes, my shoes and other important items were in the small living room that connected to the kitchen. My daughter was in her bedroom, playing in her crib. What did I do? I locked myself out of the kitchen!!! There we are, her in a very wet and dirty diaper, me in my barefeet and no way to change her or anything.

The nearby church owned the house and one of the members was the manager. It was Saturday evening, close to 5, so they were getting ready to start a church service. I grabbed Princess Stinky Butt and hurried over to the church to find the manager. (Now remember, I'm in t-shirt, shorts and barefeet carrying a half-dressed child in a full diaper)...a lady handing out the church bulletin thing that you get when you go in to the service, tried to give me one! Hello???? Do I LOOK like I'm here for fucking church??? lol. I found him, though, and soon after he came over and unlocked my kitchen. Sigh. He did laugh at me. Can't blame him.