Straight No Chaser

Claritin Frees the Mind

there is apparently something in the water. everyone is having twins, a boy and a girl, each. no identicals, as of yet. come second generation, we're going to do all sorts of cute things, cross-pairings, experiment with the offspring. it's going to be fun.

not fun is riding in elevators with strange men like the one who came to pick me up from the back entrance this morning. until i get my picture taken for an id and access card, i have to call my supervisor every morning to come sign me in, and every morning she has sent me a new variation on the same voyeur creep prototype. it's not even like i'm sporting double d's or any sort of d's at all, just a thankfully proportionate pair of b's (and that only after eight or ten years of praying), and i know enough to cover up when i come to the office. so i don't know what they're looking at, unless it's the remarkably tame curve of my everyday denim jacket.

oh, weird male coworker. is that my pencil in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

and, "dateline" was freaky tonight, with the internet predator sting. freakiest of all is that such things happen, in suburbs, to children. at thirteen fourteen fifteen, i could barely visualize the act of intercourse, much less imagine committing it with an adult. adults were part of another world, much like teenagers, actually. anything that couldn't happen in my head, really, didn't, exist. period. so then, "sandy," as the decoy girl called herself whilst luring in pervs, seemed like a really obvious decoy, because had it been me, i'd have said awkward things like my orifice, your appendage, wine coolers? no thanks, bring chinese food. and i'd have been roped or duct taped or otherwise adhered to some wall and taken, again and again, and wouldn't have ever understood till later.

if i become addicted to claritin, aaron, we can go to problems-anonymous meetings together. okay?