Straight No Chaser

Outplacement

1. "the seed," cody chestnutt
2. "classical gas," mason williams
3. "californication," the red hot chilli peppers
4. "layla," derek and the dominos
5. "to be with you," mr. big
6. "tea for two," fats waller
7. "girl you know it's true," milli vanilli
8. "laura," erroll garner
9. "i waited for you," miles davis
10. "grey street," dave matthews band

what does song 1 remind you of?
sean, of course. taking the east-west subway train--the only time we ever did that in three years, everyplace else we go is north-south--to someplace called inman park, to this little dive across the street from a bunch of municipal buildings, where all these grungemuffins were waiting, just like us, to see cody. i had my hair in princess leia puffs, one on each side of my head, and the gay guys behind us kept pinching my waist and telling sean how cute i was. assuming we were a couple, naturally. sean sneaked out during one of the sets and stole the flyers advertising the event, and cody signed them for us, afterward. "trust the might of god always" is what he wrote on mine, and he gave me a hug. my heart sang.

what part of your life does song 2 describe the best?
it doesn't. i feel no connection to "classical gas" whatsoever, except that all the rising and falling sounds a bit like a series of extremely frenetic orgasms, and i like orgasms. so then, i guess it best describes that. hot fun in the summertime. and orgasms.

if you could dedicate song 3 to someone, who would it be?
marcha, who is from california and fornicates more than anybody i know. or, i guess, sean.

does song 4's lyrics mean anything to you personally?
kind of. i mean, i'm not a vixen, but i have been hurt, and i have loved a restless somebody, and i have (frequently) had that frustrated moment of god damn you can't you just sit still. ultimately, though, unlike the speaker in the song, i really, really try to just...let it be.

why do you like song 5?
i forget. nostalgic reasons having to do with some compilation ad i saw in the mid-nineties or something, probably. a lot of the things i feel drawn to now, i eventually figure out it's because i sort of subconsciously remember it from the elementary school era, or something. not that anyone in my house was listening to mr. big in the nineties. hell no. but we had tons and tons and tons of sitters, me and my brother, and with almost no restrictive supervision we got to see all the horrible music videos we wanted. but, to clarify, i don't like "to be with you," i don't think. i sing along, all the while thinking, this song sucks.

when did you first start listening to the artist of song 6?
twelfth grade, right after my american studies teacher took us on an end-of-semester field trip to "ain't misbehavin'," the fats waller revue. she (ms. adamson) has been one of my greatest academic influences, and at the end of that semester i wanted to download her, take her on the go with me always. couldn't. so i found every fats waller cut i could get my hands on, instead.

how many albums do you have from the artist of song 7?
thankfully, zero. i only have this track, and one other, because i think theirs is an incredibly funny story, up until the suicide part.

how are numbers 8 and 9 similar?
they were released in the same decade. and also, "laura" is a very mournful song, very heavy on the melodrama, and frankly, words or no, "i waited for you" is, too.

what is number 10's meaning?
i don't want to talk about "grey street." i never want to talk about "grey street." if i could unravel the world and rebuild it without "grey street," i totally would. there's a lot of ugliness attached to it for me, a lot of unresolved marcus issues. i have something like nine versions of it stored to my computer and my ipod. i should go through and delete them all. but one day, one day, when i am a stronger person, i'll like it again, and i'll want another listen.

what song out of the ten is your favorite?
it's a pretty poor sampling, actually. i'll call this the reject pile. generally i like "laura" a lot but erroll's is not the best version. "the seed" has ugly associations, now. ditto on "grey street." we'll call it a draw.

which song means the most to you and why?
urg. "grey street."

would you dedicate any of these to your love/crush?
"grey street," because it is frighteningly close to the top of his dave list. god damn it.

would you dedicate any of these to your enemy?
"the seed." i wish her a lifetime of merciless cuckolding and twelve out-of-wedlock babies.

do these top ten songs fairly reflect your music collection?
not hardly. let's try this again. i'm awake and miserable and i've got nothing but time.

1. "naima," john coltrane
2. "prima donna," the phantom of the opera soundtrack
3. "prelude to the afternoon of a faun," claude debussy
4. "blame it on the rain," milli vanilli
5. "oompa loompa song," willy wonka and the chocolate factory soundtrack
6. "i'm an old cowhand," harry connick, jr.
7. "take five," herbie hancock and quincy jones
8. "warehouse," dave matthews band
9. "summer breeze," seals and crofts
10. "firedance," riverdance soundtrack

what does song 1 remind you of?
my grandfather, who had very high standards for women and a magnificent collection of jazz vinyls. had he lived longer, i might be a completely different person today.

what part of your life does song 2 describe the best?
i hate to undermine the integrity of a flawless survey, but again, it really doesn't. i can't remember a time when anyone has ever pleaded with me for anything, in any way, much less in song.

if you could dedicate song 3 to someone, who would it be?
sean, whose group nickname is "mr. tumnus" because of his disproportionately short fibulas, which cause him to walk around on his tiptoes, faun-like.

does song 4's lyrics mean anything to you personally?
no, but i doubt you're going to believe me, now, about not owning any milli vanilli albums.

why do you like song 5?
i like most things about willy wonka and the chocolate factory, especially the music. i actually prefer "pure imagination" over the oompa loompa song by far, but i thought the oompas were cute, getting all pedantic in their little white overalls.

when did you first start listening to the artist of song 6?
around age nine, when we took the mother/child tap class together. originally it was just going to be me and my mom, but then chad wanted in, so they had to modify the routine for us (and one other mother of two) so it worked for three people, one of whom still had first-grade motor skills. they set the routine to "we go together," probably the most mainstream harry connick, jr. song out there, and i tripped on stage, almost sprained my ankle.

how many albums do you have from the artist of song 7?
three of herbie hancock's, three of quincy jones's. i had four and five before my traveling cd wallet got stolen.

how are numbers 8 and 9 similar?
instrumentation. and also, i like them both and marcus doesn't. which, regarding "warehouse," i find inexplicable, except that he truly hates it when dave doesn't make sense, which i think is often enough that he could probably get over it by now.

what is number 10's meaning?
interaction of cultures, i think. as much as i loved riverdance, and i was one of the only people in my party who did, both times, i never did bother to read the program notes. if i had, though, i suspect they'd have said something about how the culture and customs of irish settlers were influenced strongly by...spanish people, i guess.

what song out of the ten is your favorite?
"naima" by far, because it's still probably my favorite piece of music that has ever been produced.

which song means the most to you and why?
the same, i guess, or maybe "warehouse," which brought the hugest smile to my face when it followed "dancing nancies" at the concert in houston. which, according to marcus, it almost always does. he must know.

would you dedicate any of these to your love/crush?
"firedance," and he'd know why.

would you dedicate any of these to your enemy?
my roommate is the clear winner for "prima donna," right now. she is currently telling her friend, on the phone, "my roommate gets real irritable around finals time," which, i have to say, is one of the more ignorant of the many ignorant things she's said to date. because, obviously, i would think most people with any course material to study, any actual work to do, would be stressed and a little irritable right now. definitely more so than would someone who sits on her ass watching "starting over" tapes all day.

do these top ten songs fairly reflect your music collection?
again, no, but i'm tired.