Straight No Chaser

Woots Come in All Sizes

this, for example (woot), would be a very small one.

and it's because i found out yesteday, during that early-morning meeting with my academic advisor, that come the close of this semester, i will have taken all the required courses for my major. i'll technically be eligible for a degree. could technically walk with the 2006 graduates, had that been my plan. except for one gym credit, that is, which would really piss me off if i didn't already plan on staying to earn the double-minor.

that makes me happy, sort of, but in a very small way. right now i'm very much on trial for the aforementioned bad thing i did, and the grief from that is occupying what little mindspace i have left over after schoolwork and such.

what's funny is, i'm not guilty of the bigger bad thing that everyone sort of assumes i did, but because i am guilty in that smaller way, it's sort of impossible to hold onto any credibility whatsoever. and i can hear their judgments, which are very noisy, and although i don't especially heed the judgments of people who anyway can't really throw stones, i'm still sick about it. physically sick. nauseous with a thunderstorm of a headache, and two nosebleeds in three days.

which is just me being dramatic, says krystle who is not coddling me through this. i definitely did wrong, i fucked up and i have no right to do ANYTHING but lay myself across the whipping block and wait to be handled. not ANYTHING, and that means no crying or playing the victim or going all spin doctor or even really defending myself. just lay down and take it.

i've never been this much in the wrong before. i don't exactly know what to do.