Straight No Chaser

In a Gadda-Da-Vida

1. what do you call the meals of the day?
skip, nibble and candy bar.

2. would you prefer to die young and beautiful or to live to a ripe old age and end up in a home?
says my mother, sagely: "black people don't send their loved ones to homes." i thought she was being so ignorant, when she used to say that, but actually, now, i think i'll feel like a failure as a parent if i don't have at least one child who genuinely doesn't mind taking me in, in my infirmity.

3. what is your favorite quote?
i don't have one. i don't pay attentino to quotes.

4. do you speak any other languages?
statistics say i'll always remember fifty perecnt of the spanish i learned in high school. o-lay.

5. what is your earliest memory?
it's of looking up at one of my mom's maternity sweaters, and thinking how enormous and ugly it was. then there's a gap of a few months, and then montessori. the little carpets and the books with four huge words on each page.

6. are you taking any trips or holidays this year?
i'll probably come back to atlanta over the summer, as all my friends will be here from start to finish. and then, i guess, tennessee. family reunion time.

7. if you could bathe in any liquid other than water, what would you bathe in?
...i don't know. baby oil. i'd be all sexy and slippery when i got out, and marcus would make his stupid pedophile joke.

8. what is your most sinful sex experience?
that time i fucked the john so hard, his heart gave out. and then stole his wallet and gold watch on my way out the back door.

9. do you believe in heaven and hell?
not in a conventional sense.

10. if someone were to give you ten thousand dollars and you had to give it to charity...who would you give it to?
probably the uncf. ten thousand dollars wouldn't go very far anywhere, but it could send somebody to community college. that would be good.

11. what is your favorite sound in the world?
besides the obvious musical answers, i'd have to go with the sensual sounds of an orgasming man.

12. what is your msn screenname at present?
i don't have one.

13. who has had the most impact on your life this year?
i really, really don't want to answer that question. besides which, the year is still young, only a few months old--in the past year i'd say it's been marcus, followed closely by strange, and then maybe krystle. overall, my parents.

14. what is the most disgusting thing that you have ever seen?
two men having sex on the street at four in the morning, three days ago. disgusting not because it was too men, but because it was public sex and one had chicken grease all over the front of his t-shirt, and they were both fat and unwieldly and both looked at me as i drove past. that was a tiny bit scarring.

15. what would you do if i sang out of tune?
i'd get up and walk out on you.

16. how much money do you have in your wallet?
thirty dollars from my dad, from yesterday, and i feel like a millionaire because of it, which is how i know it sucks to be a shit-poor college student.

17. what is your favorite scene from a movie?
"i love you!"..."i know." (the first time around.)

18. what was the biggest gift you got for christmas?
the car, which i think counted as a christmas gift.

19. how much wood would a woodchuck chop if a woodchuck could chop wood?
if he could chuck wood, you mean? ignorant survey. just for that, i'm boycotting the last question.

20. what is the meaning of life?