Catching Idle Butterflies

You'll get no argument from me

Growing up with two people who could debate and argue so well, they seem to win every time, you think I would have learned how to do the same.

Nope. Quite the opposite. I will go to almost extreme lengths to avoid the possibility of one.

I not only grew up with great debaters, I married one. Dave gets that trait from his father, Lew.

Lew and my mother-in-law, Dona have political views opposite Dave and I. It seems every time we visit with them, politics becomes a subject of much debate and discussion. For the longest time, I sat back and merely listened. Only once in a while, I’d spit out a comment, but then clam up again.

The last time Lew and Dona drove up here for a visit, I decided I’ve been sitting on the sidelines long enough. I jumped in and participated.

After 45 minutes, I had to stop. My hands shook, became cold and clammy. My chest tightened and I almost had trouble breathing.

Lew noticed my sudden silence first. He studied me for a few seconds and he asked, “Anne, are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

I wasn’t. I was busy trying to calm down. I knew I teetered on the edge of an anxiety attack, but I didn’t have the words to describe what was wrong with me. I just knew I had to back away from the discussion lest I faint or something.

They left not soon after. I remained inside while Dave walked them out and to their car.

Dave came back saying, “Dad must have asked me five times if you were okay. Are you okay?”

Calmer now I said, “I think so. All I know was I had to stop. I felt like a cornered animal ready to panic.”

Knowing my fear of confrontation, Dave said, “I thought you did very well. You didn’t back down in your arguments, and you gave great examples to back them up. I’m proud of you.”

Perhaps, but I still like to avoid confrontation. I don’t want to feel panicky like that again.

I also think I need to get into the fray, but the next time taking littler steps so I don't get so overwhelmed. Debating is something that requires lots of practice and a building up of confidence. Luckily, I have great teachers and examples to follow.