Straight No Chaser

Another Gimmick

the idea here is, copy the questions, then put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the song titles, as they appear, as their answers. elaborate if desired.

1. how does the world see me?
"a wink and a smile," harry connick, jr.: ha! i seriously doubt it. i seriously do.

2. will i have a happy life?
"don't fear the reaper," blue oyster cult: well, fuck. if death will be better, then i guess fucking not.

3. what do my friends really think of me?
"lee," tenacious d: oh, that i'm vulgar and aggravatingly repetitive? awesome. and, sadly, probably true.

4. do people secretly lust after me?
"never can say goodbye," the jackson 5: well, naturally. it's been said, as recently as fourteen hours ago, that i look good naked. thank god.

5. how can i make myself happy?
"speak like a child," herbie hancock: i'm sure that would work, but my friends would think i was even stupider than i actually am, and there's no real room for that.

6. what should i do with my life?
"habanera," georges bizet: so, like carmen of the opera by the same name, i should treat men like shit until one murders me. that sounds about right. thanks, survey.

7. will i ever have children?
"crazy white kids," chris rock: ummmmm, i kind of doubt it. or, never say never, but it would be ultra-difficult. i'd need to concentrate really hard.

8. what is some good advice for me?
"house of the rising sun," the animals: don't do what he has done, spend my life in sin and misery in a whorehouse--check.

9. how will i be remembered?
"ass and titties," three six mafia: i hope so, although i am markedly lacking both.

10. what is my signature dancing song?
"tell me when to go (super hyphy version)," e-40: this is true, actually, and it is a sight to behold. at the part where everyone else shakes their dreads, i just bang till i develop a headache, but my thizz face rivals even the natives'.

11. what do i think my current theme song is?
"wearin' o' the green," paddy mcpub: well. it was on friday.

12. what does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"i'm a mean ole lion," the wiz soundtrack: i have been slightly bitchy, in these recent weeks. picking at my eyebrow again, too, which generally means i've been sort of evil, whether i recognize it or not.

13. what song will play at my funeral?
"flamenco sketches," miles davis: that would be nice. very mellow and sort of exotic, which is precisely the flavor i'd like to leave with everyone on my way out.

14. what type of men/women do i like?
"django," the modern jazz quintet: no, i didn't like him much, or his sister djavan, either. both sort of clingy, and he wet the bed a lot.

15. what is my day going to be like?
"unhappy," outkast: dead accurate. fortunately, it's almost over.

16. will i ever have love again?
"black and blue," louis armstrong: ugh, no. in that case, i'd rather not.