Straight No Chaser

Onward

1. which print do you prefer: leopard or zebra?
both are beautiful creatures that yield hideously tasteless fabric patterns. leopard print, at least, is less conspicuously tacky.

2. would you break up with someone if you thought they were too pompous and arrogant?
i guess i'd be a hypocrite if i said yes. hopefully in the future i wouldn't be dating such a person anyway, and since neither really develops overnight, i'd have time to recognize and dodge falling for someone like that. most likely, though, i wouldn't break up with someone over that.

3. if you saw a hurt animal, would you try and help it?
one of my most significant memories of my late grandfather is of his driving us to some campsite somewhere. on the way, he spotted a run-over turtle on the road with a cracked shell, fatally injured but still alive; to our then horror, he put the car in reverse and backed over it once, then again, till it was dead and out of its misery. yeah, i would, unless in helping it i risked harming it further.

4. do you think there will be another terrorist attack now that bush is reelected?
probably.

5. should a license be required to have children?
like i've said before, i'm down for that cause. amend the constitution so it prohibits procreation in people like this friend of my mom's, who accidentally dropped her baby out of a third story window. he was okay; a tricycle on the patio broke his fall and he came out of it with only a couple of scratches. kind of a miracle, actually.

6. when on an airplane, do you hope to meet someone interesting sitting near you?
that remind me--he was almost exactly what i expected, a businessman, and totally silent except when he was asking me whether i minded if he turned on the air vent above us. i said no and then promptly fell asleep. that was the beginning and end of our in-air bonding experience, and he never asked question one about my life.

7. do you come from a large family?
extended, it's pretty big.

8. would you ever purposely let your country's flag touch the ground?
i wouldn't break my foot trying to prevent it from happening, but i see no reason to do it on purpose.

9. is it difficult for you to decline a date from someone you are not interested in?
not at all. i've done that, tactfully and not-so-tactfully, at least a hundred times over the years. what's hard is accepting a date from someone i am interested in. i'm pretty shy.

10. are people in online relationships just fooling themselves?
before ernie and jodi, i've had said yes. i tend to think that sort of thing is asking to be lied to. there are no rules with exceptions, though, and so far they have certainly proven me wrong. i still think i'd avoid one myself, if possible.

11. does it bother you that rhode island isn't really an island?
not in the slightest.

12. if hillary clinton were to leave her husband, would your opinion of her go up or down?
bill clinton is probably one of my favorite public personas, but i can definitely understand why an articulate and competent woman like hillary would want out of that marriage.

13. do you ever run with scissors?
i'm much too clumsy for that. i'd kill somebody.

14. have you done something illegal today?
drove without a license, but i do that a lot, by accident. speaking of which, i also got my license renewed today, and the new photo is singularly, comically, stereotypically awful. bra straps. lumpy hair. asymmetrical smile. my brother took one look at the picture and convulsed with laughter. i'm going to have to drive much more carefully from now on.

15. which is worse: being labeled, or being a nobody?
i honestly don't see anything wrong with being labeled, as i've said, as long as the label is inoffensive and generally rooted in truth. it's not like you can't transcend or alter your label, anyway, and being a nobody sucks.

16. do you think someone will ever try to assassinate michael moore?
i'm sure many have already tried, and failed. cough nra cough cough.

17. what are you listening to at this very second?
glen campbell's very weird rendition of "classical gas." or, rather, the thirty-second sample thereof on itunes. i really, really don't like glen campbell.

18. would you rather have a square or a round pizza?
my brother had a minor tantrum the other day when we brought home ledo's with mushrooms and broccoli on top. my mother says he acts way more spoiled when i'm home, as if he were in preschool or something. she's right, though; twenty minutes ago he called me to his room, where he was already lying in bed, to ask me to make him some kool-aid and a sandwich. the nerve.

19. are you afraid of being famous for doing something stupid?
i can't think what stupid thing i could do to garner enough attention that i'd actually become famous, but it would be really embarrassing to earn paris hilton's brand of notoriety, which based entirely on her being sort of a national joke. then again, there are very few famous people who have actually maintained untarnished fame; i.e., remained famous over time without ever being ridiculed for some horrid career or personal decision. tom cruise springs to mind. and it would suck even worse to be a britney spears type, and to stay famous thanks to a collective loyal following even though most of the intelligent population has no actual respect for you. i think i'd rather keep my intelligence, and not be famous.

20. if the pope has a liver transplant, is he still infalliable?
there is no such thing as an infalliable human.