Warmness of the Soul

To April..

I will make this short because some things just dont need to be known, but it has been quite awhile since ive written in here and I will probably start back pretty soon, at least maybe more often if I'm not too tired after work and other daily tasks.

I wish for every guy a girl like the one that keeps putting up with me day after day.. One that no matter how bad you screw up or how confusing you might be, they stick behind you anyways. I will forever not be worthy of having such a love that has never doubted me and still doesnt for a single second.

I dont deserve it and for awhile it will still hurt me to even think that I've hurt her as much as I have in the past. My life is in devotion to her and always will be; my love, my dreams, my inamorata..

Today I had to admit things that will never happen again, ever.. shouldnt have to begin with but they did with no excuses to offer because there are none. I am an extremely honest person and I can never keep anything from her no matter how much it might hurt.
Eventually it gets out..She handed back the ring for.. what seemed like a lifetime and as those minutes past me.. my life without her slowly passed through my mind. It wasnt pretty..

My life without her is.. blank. I developed a talent and a very helpful one I should add to where I can black out my mind.. Today, well, more like this afternoon was the first time my future was completely "blacked out." I am nothing without her.
We belong together yet I still feel I dont deserve her, not one bit. She told me to give it back to her when I felt I was ready..

It takes me screwing up to completely shut my mind from everything else except that what matters.. with all my heart I'm thankful for her because she loves me.. and ive always been one to say that a kiss and love cant solve everything or quit arguments.. but.. well It really can... at least from her, and she is all I will ever need.

As I get out of this.. zoned out mood.. I will probably go into crazy journals about nothing so itll be more entertaining.. sorry for those who are bored.. lol..

I love you April.. I never wanted to hurt you and I will do all in my power to never hurt you in any ways again as much as I can help it. You deserve the best of everything and everything of me.. I just hope I can live up to your expectations more so .. at least feel that I do. We have a lifetime ahead of us together which I just hope I can make as perfect as possible for you..

I just dont deserve you but one day I hope to feel that I do.. I dont think I'll ever be able to fully say what you mean to me.. but I hope one day I can accomplish that a bit better than I have.. I love you my dear sweet little kitty..