Bloggin' Umholtz

"Positive vibes, Oddball! Positive Vibes."

Man, you folks must have sent out some powerful positive vibes. The folks at Allegheny General Hospital were great. Had to go through some additional testing which involved various things like spinning in a chair in a darkened room, following the bouncing ball or the vertical stripes. Succeeded in doing all that without barfing on anyone, which is good.

Once that was all done I met with the physician’s assistant. She did exactly what a good physician’s assistant should. She explained everything that was going on, had gone on, and started to explain my options from here on out.

Unfortunately, that’s where we started to disconnect. Again, she was doing it by the book, not knowing my lifestyle, my occupation, or me. She started to explain how they could lessen the severity of the attacks. I stopped her and told her we were at the wrong end of the horse. She seemed puzzled. I said. “ The horse has two ends, one where the food goes in and one where the food comes out. I’d much rather be standing at the food goes in end.”

I went on to explain that I travel the entire state, work primarily alone, spend a good bit of time wandering through the woods (on purpose) and speak frequently in front of large groups of people. Lessening the severity of the attacks just wasn’t going to cut it. I told her. “People depend on me. My family depends on me. I’ve spent twenty-one years developing a reputation in my business as the go to guy. If I can’t deliver when asked, we’ve got a problem…a big problem. So being at the south end of the northbound horse just isn’t going to do. We don’t lessen the severity of attacks. We don’t use medication that’s going to make me drowsy or alter my moods. Part of what makes me valuable to my boss is my personality and besides, I like me. We don’t mess with that. We stop the attacks. Now.”

I’ve made this speech several times in the last month to at least two different doctors and always got the same response. “It’s just something you have to live with. Here take these pills.”

Not this time.

The physician’s assistant sat back and said. “ You’re at the end of your road?”

“Yes.”

“Then, you are a candidate for one of three procedures, all of which involve some sort of surgery. You don’t have to live like this anymore.”

I wanted to reach out and hug her.

Now I just need to choose the procedure right for me. They are as follows.

1. Involves injecting a antibiotic into the middle ear which will kill the balance center in that ear. It’s an outpatient procedure. It is effective about 80% of the time. The drawback is it will probably kill the hearing in that ear as well. In my case, that may not be so bad because I’ve lost most of the hearing already. Still, part of me would like to save what little I have left.

2. This one is more complicated. It’s actually neurosurgery, where they enter the skull behind the ear (using a Black and Decker drill, of course) and essentially do the same thing as in number one. In this case they can save what little hearing I have left. The success of this is 90%. The drawback is a one-week hospital stay and one week of recuperation at home.

3. The third is the least recommended. It involves using a shunt to drain the buildup of pressure from the fluid sac in my ear. It falls somewhere between one and two in the seriousness of the operation and is usually only 70% effective. I should retain my hearing with this procedure also.

I’ve pretty much eliminated number three and am trying to decide between one and two. Part of me wants to save what little hearing I have left in that ear, but another part likes the simplicity of the outpatient procedure. All of these procedures involve some sort of adjustment period for your equilibrium that may last months, but is usually minor in nature.

I shall do some thinking.

Omen from the Gods?

After spending the entire day at the hospital we went to pay for our parking, only to find that the parking machine was broken and we got to park for free! Sounds like a sign to me.

“Saddest part of the day”

Leaving the hospital we beat feet to get out of Pittsburgh ahead of rush hour traffic. Having had nothing to eat since 6:30 AM that morning we finally stopped at a Panera Bread for soup and a sandwich at 4:00 PM. We got a table by the fireplace. While eating my wife commented (jokingly) that she guessed this was our romantic Valentine’s Day dinner. I chuckled and agreed. Still, I felt bad that we had to spend the entire day at a hospital. She deserves much better than that. After all, she’s put up with me for fifteen years.

Thanks for all the support, especially scarlett_o_h, who seems to have developed a stutter, (Hope it gets better) and Lady D who seems to have gotten a bit of the devil in her.

And if you’re wondering where the title of today’s entry comes from, rent the movie “Kelly’s Heroes. It’s a Clint Eastwood movie. You won’t regret it.