The Snowflake Chronicles

What Am I Hiding From?

What Am I Hiding From?

“What are you hiding from?” The question reverberated through my mind, echoed from dendrite to axon.

“What are you hiding from?” If I wanted to admit what I was hiding from I would shout it from the top of the tallest hotel casino in Las Vegas.

“What are you hiding from?” That is a silly question really, because I am hiding from the same thing that everyone else in the world is hiding from … themselves. I am human, I am afraid to admit I am human, I am afraid to admit I am not in control, I am afraid to admit the only thing I can control is my own emotions and how I react to the difficulties in my life. I am afraid to admit I am responsible for my own salvation (not sure if that is the word I want, but it will do for now).

“What are you hiding from?” I am hiding from myself of course, what else does a human being have to hide from … a human views the world from the perspective of his or her own mind, soul, spirit (however one wants to put it). A human has nothing else to hide from except his or her self.

“What are you hiding from?” As a child I could hide under the covers from the monster in my closet. I liked the monster in my closet, the monster in my closet was much nicer than the monster who came into my bed at night and … (OK, so I am not finishing that sentence, why finish it) ... As I was saying the monster in my closet was much nicer to me than the monster who was my stepfather. (OK, so I finally said it. Maybe I am not hiding from myself and my memories any more.)

“What are you hiding from?” I am attempting to hide from myself and my memories without success. This, of course, is my own fault, I am the one who decided I didn’t like my life the way it was, I am the one who decided “It isn’t working for me!” I am the one who decided I wanted to develop my talents, I am the one who decided I am not as spiritual as I should or would like to be. I am the one to decided to become my true self. I am the one who realized that hiding from myself and my memories is not conducive to living a spiritual and prosperous life. I am the one who decided hiding from my memories and past and myself and anything else I am hiding from is not conducive to developing my talents and become my true self.

“What are you hiding from?” I am apparently not hiding from anything. I cannot hid from God, which means eventually I cannot hide from me. To know myself is to know God, to develop the spiritual attributes that reflect God to the world around me, to live a full and prosperous life. The test and difficulties in my life isn’t punishment for sins, they are the metal scrubbing pads cleaning the mirror of my soul. They are the silver polish shining the mirror of my soul. God loves me and wants me to develop my attributes and talents, so I encounter tests and difficulties that transform my soul - like the way a larva in a cocoon transforms into a butterfly.