Straight No Chaser

Eggfruit

his idea to talk last night. to park in front of my dorm and talk in the car, get some things out in the open before these little germs infect our whole semester. i was wary (why now? why do you want to do this now?) but cautiously excited. bouncing off walls, in fact, dressed in seconds, baby lotion everywhere.

he didn't show. or call. or answer his phone when i called. when he specifically asked me to bring his christmas present, a tub of vaseline and my "best possible attitude."

i slept really poorly, sometimes not at all. benefit of the doubt is our buzzphrase for the year. meaning that instead of feeling wronged and marginalized, again, i was supposed to assume he'd been carjacked and murdered in an alley somewhere. that he wasn't standing me up on purpose, but because he literally had no choice. so i spent half the night worrying about how many pieces he'd be in, next time i saw him, and the other half dreaming about putting him in said pieces myself.

he called this morning, eightish, woke me up. "i'm very very sorry," he said in the most amazingly chipper voice. "i fell asleep right after we talked, and you know my phone charger's still in shreveport...i'm gonna make it up to you, maybe not tonight..."

having been asleep till ten seconds prior, all i managed was "okay. i figured that's what happened. that's okay. i'm glad you're okay. call me later." and we hung up.

i got back to the room after work just now and texted him: "you better make it up to me. it was really cold last night."

he called. "now you're guilt-tripping me, and that's not fair." still in the chipperest of inflections.

"so sorry," said i. "when am i ever going to learn to treat you with some respect?"

laughs all around.

unbeknownst to many, the eggplant is better termed an eggfruit, because its reproductive mechanism is akin to those of commoner fruits, like the apple. i'd love to draw a parallel here, a brilliatnt love metaphor. unfortunately i haven't got it in me. i am too, too tired.