Straight No Chaser

For Me

...because i liked this activity. i've got a pizza in the oven, so we'll see how fast i can get through this.

1. "my man," barbra streisand
because: funny girl bored me stiff until this, the big finish.
lyric: "what's the difference if i say i'll go away, when i know i'll come back on my knees someday?"

last night sucked donkey balls. if you'll pardon my french.

2. "cadillacs on twenty-twos," david banner
because: we saw him in person, freshman year! or, they did. i had just pulled an all-nighter, fell asleep at the concert and woke up with david banner's gigantic beer belly right in my face. he was cruising the crowd. i was terrified that he was going to say something about my rudeness to the several thousand-person crowd.

he (not david banner) noticed that my hair is longer now, something that would have totally escaped him four years ago. he touched it a little, wihch made me uncomfortable, and he talked--rather nervously, it seemed like--about his girlfriend. her name is abby. he didn't have a picture, but she sounds cute. and clueless.

3. "utt-da-zay," leo watson
because: quite creepy. but good. you'd have to hear it to understand.
lyric: "'utt-da-zay' sings the tailor, all it means is 'that's the way.' when i buy the things he made her, sings the tailor, 'utt-da-zay.'" (pretty much the only intelligible words available.)

afterward, he offered me a ride home, which i didn't need because of james, and which i'd have refused anyway, obviously. this was unthinkable to him, somehow. i haven't been in his car in...literally, years. my reminding him of that totally pissed him off, which was okay at that moment because james was there. i might have walked or something otherwise.

4. "spill the wine," eric burdon
because: it's a good song to get high to. and the weedological references are veiled much more thinly than in typical stoner songs. not that i ever get high, i mean. but let me pretend.
lyric: i mean, they're pretty simplistic, and none of them really make sense.

vanessa was responsible for pretty much every bad situation that sprang up throughout the night. i mean, she doesn't understand, of course, but it was still obnoxious. it's always obnoxious to keep coercing people into that kind of situation. and especially in this case, after i'd made such a point of talking about marcus, letting everyone know i wasn't there to see certain people, had actually gotten a phone call from marcus, one that ended less than platonically...i don't get it. i don't. it was bad.

5. "the lady in my life," michael jackson
because: i have michael jackson's entire discography; at least one was bound to make its way on here. and also because i really like this song; about halfway through the bridge this little synthesizer melody comes in, and you can tell it's been underneath the song the entire time and you just sort of didn't notice, so then (if you're me) you have to move backward through the track till you find its point of origin, and then you notice other things...i mean, it's pop. it's light. but it's nice anyway.
lyric: "let me fill you with my dream, i can make you feel all right." (makes me laugh to think of michael jackson's penis as a dream.

he did try something. i thought he would. i mean, he went about it the nice way first. in spite of everything he'd said about abby, he did take a good ten minutes, tried very sweetly to suggest that he missed me and he wanted to blah blah blah for a practiced scattering of reasons. i of course said no. he's good-looking, yes, but that, for those of you who are still confused, that would be cheating. not to mention stupid. he got mean about it, as expected. james swooped in drunk, i took his keys and we left. i came in late and sad and sleepy, but whatever. i didn't love him and he definitely didn't love me. the whole thing sucked donkey balls.

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