I Was Free Once

Chapter 9

I felt something cold and wet against my face as I lay in bed. I opened my eyes and saw a pair of dog eyes staring back at me, and a pink tongue licking me.

“Good morning, Shadow. I didn’t know I left the door open.”

“You didn’t,” said Sal’s voice, in the background. “I came in to get a book off the shelf. Sorry she woke you.”

“That’s alright,” I replied, getting out of bed. “Hey, about last night—”

“Don’t worry about it. I have a feeling I understand what happened when you got upset. Now, come on down stairs and have a cup of coffee.” I nodded and followed him into the kitchen. He grabbed a mug and filled it for me.

“Now,” he said, handing me my mug and sitting down with his, “before I tell you what happened, you need to tell me some things.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“I need to know more about your past. Even just one event or memory.” He took a drink of his coffee.

“I already told you, Sal, I don’t feel comfortable sharing my history with anyone.”

“Darien, the only way I can know exactly what triggered the attack is by knowing more about you.” He paused for a moment, while I took a drink. “Just one memory.”

I was silent for a minute, trying to decide whether or not to tell him a memory of mine. I knew if I told him a bad memory, it would open up a nasty can of worms. Sal leaned forward and let out a small sigh.

“Look,” he said quietly, “why don’t you start with a good memory? Maybe once you get through that, you feel more comfortable telling me the bad events.” He looked at me hopefully. I noticed the bruise on his neck had gotten worse since the night before.

After a moment’s pause, I replied, “Alright, but on one condition.”

“And what’s that?”

“I get to learn about your past too. You know, an equal trade. A memory for a memory.”

Sal sat for a few seconds, thinking. “It’s a deal,” he stated, holding out his hand.

We shook on it and I took another drink of my coffee. I thought for a moment and then, taking a deep breath, retold one of my favorite memories.

The sun was shining brightly, with no clouds in the sky and a light breeze blowing across the school lawn. Nice weather had finally come around and all the students, especially the seniors, seemed to be restless and apathetic towards homework.

The bell had just rung and my buddies and I were hanging out at our usual spot, the hood of my car, chatting and checking out girls. That day’s topic of conversation happened to be my most recent girlfriend.

“So,” started one of my friends, “let’s hear the goods. What’d you do?”

I gave an arrogant smirk and, running my one hand through my hair, replied, “You should know by now.” They all laughed.

“Ah, man, how do you do it? What’s your secret?”

“Oh, come one, there’s no secret. You just gotta go with the flow.”

“No, really though, girls swarm around you like bees. And, the best thing is they all trust you. I think you’ve fucked more girls than the rest of the guys in our grade combined.” They all smiled admiringly at me, chuckling.

I smiled back, but said nothing. The truth of the matter was that I had never gotten that far with anyone, but what was I supposed to say? I knew that if I did sleep with anyone my wings would come out, and explaining that to any human would prove very difficult. So, to anyone else at that school, I was a lady’s man.

The group of us talked for a while until the rest of them had to get home for dinner. Instead of leaving though, I decided to take a walk around the school grounds. I wasn’t watching where I was going and bumped into a girl walking in the opposite direction, causing all her books to drop.

“I’m so sorry,” I exclaimed, bending down to help her pick them up.

“No, it’s okay,” she replied, grabbing them as fast as she could. She looked extremely uptight and worried, with her hair all over the place and her huge glasses sliding down her nose.

“Here you go,” I stated, handing her one of her books.

“Thanks,” she stammered, holding her books tightly against her chest.

“You okay?” I asked her. “You look nervous and a bit frazzled.”

She immediately sat down on the grass and started crying. I bent down to console her. “It’s this AP Calculus class, that’s all. It’s just so stressful and I’ve been steadily falling behind in the work and I just don’t know what to do and my parent’s are going to kill me and—” She burst out crying again. I patted her on the back.

“Well, I can help you if you’d like. I took the class last year.” She looked up at once with a mingled look of hope and excitement on her face.

“You took this class? Really?!”

“Yeah, math’s always been a strong academic point of mine. It’s probably my only one. Even though I slept through the class, I still had the highest grade and got a 4 on the exam.” Her jaw dropped. “So what do you need help with?”

I spent the next few weeks, staying after school or going to her house to tutor her. As each day went by, she looked and felt less and less stressed. And what was more, I was beginning to enjoy spending time with her. The day after she took the exam, she came bustling down the hallway between classes and almost leapt into my arms.

“It’s over!” she screamed, tears of happiness running down her cheeks. “ I can’t believe I got through it! Thank you so much!” She planted a kiss on my cheek. Though my friends and other girls were staring, I somehow didn’t mind or feel embarrassed. I hadn’t even noticed that her glasses were gone and her hair was fixed. At this point it was only her inner beauty I cared about.

“I’m so happy for you,” I replied. “How would you like to go out and celebrate with me tonight?” She stopped jumping around and her eyes widened.

“You mean—like a—like a date?” she asked, taken aback. The people around us had grown very quiet, as to hear every word we said.

“Yeah, exactly like a date.” I smiled and grabbed her around the waist.

“I’d very much like that…” she replied.

And, with everyone watching and waiting for it, I slowly moved forward and kissed her for the first time. It was in that single kiss that I realized she was neither human nor anyone’s but mine.

After I finished retelling the memory, I looked up to see Sal sitting back, relaxed and smiling. I gave a bittersweet smile back. I missed Julia dearly.

“That’s a wonderful memory to have,” Sal said quietly. “It’s a place you can go whenever you’re having a bad day.” My smile faded and my head dropped.

“Not really,” I replied. “I try not to think about her at all. It’s the good memories that hurt the most.”

“And why do you feel that they hurt most? You should be happy for the time you had with her.”

“If it hadn’t been for my arrogant attitude, I never would have lost her.”

“What happened to her, Darien?”

“Didn’t I tell you when I was drunk?” He shook his head. “Well I’m surprised it didn’t come out with shot number twenty three.”

“All you said was that your pride was broken that year,” he replied.

“The fuckers took everything from me,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m sure my father’s behind it all too. He’s wanted me dead since I was fifteen.”

“Are you sure?” Sal asked.

“What do you mean, am I sure?” I yelled back. “Why do think I have these scars?” I motioned to the three bullet wounds above my heart and the four scars on my right wrist.

“Well, it’s just that he could have easily killed you then. Why, then, didn’t he?”

I replied without even thinking. “Because he’s a sadistic bastard, who believes a slow and painful death is the way to go. Any other stupid questions?”

Sal looked at me, puzzled. “I thought you said you lost your arrogant attitude.”

“Some things never change,” I stated, flipping him off. We both laughed. After the laughter died away, I took another drink of coffee and seized the opportunity to get Sal to speak of his life. “So, about our deal… your turn to spill a memory.”

He smiled, saying, “What would you like to know?”

I thought for a moment and then said, “Well, what’s your favorite memory?”

“Hmm…” murmured Sal, concentrating. “Probably the memory that goes with that picture you saw in the album.” He paused before continuing. “I was hosting my annual summer party to celebrate another year of successfully slaying demons while evading death.”

“You hosted parties to celebrate slaying demons?” I asked, almost laughing.

“Yes,” replied Sal, “and don’t be laughing either. Back then things were different. Demons seemed to have more power over everyone then. Those were the best and worst of times. True, the demon threat seemed stronger than any other time, but the passion it created was maddening. People were afraid the end was near, so they’d quickly fall in love and have children. The parties I hosted at the time weren’t only to celebrate the slaying of demons, but were also to celebrate the apocalypse not having come.” Sal’s voice trailed away, and his eyes were averted out the window, with a reminiscent glaze over them.

I waited a minute before saying, “So, what was so special about that year?”

Sal jumped. “What? Oh, well, that particular year, we had thought that we had defeated the most reckless, most evil demon the world had ever played host to. Little did anyone know he was at that very party. We just thought he was a mortal who was understanding of magical creatures. It wasn’t uncommon. But, that picture, along with the couple others from that day show the utter ignorance and bliss of our world. It was a beautiful thing. Now, thanks to him, the hope of ever having that feeling back is shot.”

There was a moment of silence before I asked, “Why aren’t there anymore parties like that?” As soon as asked the question, though, I wished I hadn’t, for Sal’s expression turned mutinous.

“Do you know how many people from that day would be able to come a party if I held one now?” I shook my head. “Two: me and you. And do you want to know what happened to the rest?” Sal’s voice was rising. Before I could reply, he blurted out, “That son of a bitch killed them all, single-handedly. Of course, some were tortured for information on the whereabouts of others before they were murdered. Some were even given a slow and painful death in front of their own children, so that he could get to them easier.” Sal’s face had grown scarlet by then.

“How come the scare didn’t create a passion like last time?” I asked.

“There’s a fine line between causing passion and breaking pride, Darien. You should know that. And, I expect you know why I try not to think about it too much. I lost someone I loved very dearly because of him.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Sal. All I can say is, I know how you feel.” We caught each other’s eyes and for the first time I saw nothing but sadness and anger in Sal. There was a long, awkward silence after that in which the two of us just sat staring at the floor, thinking.

“Funny, isn’t it?” Sal broke the silence with. “Who would ever think the best memories could be so closely linked to the worst?” I looked up to see him still looking towards the floor, but with a tear trickling down his cheek.

“So, did my memory help you figure out what the cause of last night’s attack was?” I asked, trying desperately to change subjects.

Sal sighed. “No, it didn’t really help that much. But when you spoke of your father afterwards, I think found what I was looking for.”
“And what’s that?” I asked in reply.

“Well, you should know by now too.”

“I don’t though. If I did, I never would have attacked you.”

“I think I’m going to leave you to figure it out.” My temper was starting to rise.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I said, raising my voice a bit.

“You still don’t understand?” he asked, in an almost taunting voice.

“No!” I yelled back. “Would you cut this shit and just tell me already?” I rose from my chair in frustration. I looked at Sal to see a smile on his face. “Why the fuck are you so happy?”

“Sit.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“Sit,” he repeated.

“Fine!” I shouted, sitting back down in my chair. Crossing my arms, I slouched down so that my head was resting on the back of the chair.

There was a moment’s pause before Sal spoke again. “That was exactly what I needed to see.” He sat back in his seat with a satisfied look on his face.

“What are you talking about now?”

“Relax and calm down, Darien. I won’t tell you what’s going on while your eyes are still red.” Every bit of anger drained from me at that statement.

“What?” I said, sitting up.

“Good. Now that you’re calm again, I can continue.” He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “But you have to promise you won’t rage out while I’m speaking.”

“I won’t.”

“Okay then. I’m pretty sure I’ve figured out exactly what caused the attack last night.” He paused. “Over the past five years, while you were kept in that hellhole, you weren’t able to perform any type of white magic. Am I correct?”

“The ability to do so was taken from me until the moment I left the grounds.”

“Well, I’m sure your mother stressed how important training yourself was. And just like any other skill in life, if you stop practicing it, it will get weaker.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I mean that over the past few years, you’ve weakened significantly as far as white magic goes. And that usually isn’t a problem, but in your case, it could be quite a quagmire.”

“Why?”

“Black magic is a lot more stubborn. That’s why demons commit larger numbers of murders over time. It doesn’t take much to strengthen that type of magic and it could take decades to weaken it. Most demons give up fighting against it after a while and become servants of Hell.

“And, unfortunately Darien, you were born of both bloods, so while your white magic has been getting weaker and weaker, your black magic is as strong as any demon’s. My theory is that even one tiny feeling of resentment or loathing feeds the evil, ever-hungry part of your soul, allowing it room to grow and strengthen.”

“But, how could you tell what was going on?” I asked in a constricted voice.

“When I first brought you here, everything was fine and dandy. You were broken, no doubt, but what I had feared would happen to you hadn’t. Even that very first time you grew angry, you still showed no signs of your demon side. It wasn’t until the other night, when you were drunk, that I noticed the red tint in your eyes.

“At first I thought it was the light and the whiskey play tricks with my eyesight. But as you grew more upset, they turned a deeper, more prominent red. I let it go that night, thinking that your lack of inhibition was due to your intoxication.

“The next day confirmed my fears. When you attacked me, I not only saw those red eyes again, but I felt the dark magic you were using against me, as well. Didn’t you wonder why my bruised neck wasn’t healed by now?” He motioned up to his neck, which was even a worse shade of purple than earlier that day.

My throat had tightened so much that at first I couldn’t reply. Finally, I struggled to get out the words, “So what can I do about this?” I had never felt this nervous about anything before.

“Well,” Sal answered, “the way I see it, you have two options: you can either succumb to the dark magic you possess or take the harder course and be as strong as you once were.”

“What do I have to do to gain my strength back?” I asked quickly.

“Are you sure you’re up to it?”
“Hell yes.”

Sal leaned forward. “Then, first and foremost, you’re going to have to do everything I ask of you without questions. Will you be able to do that?”

“Yes.”

“Next, you’re going to have to retrain your body by doing rigorous physical exercise. Will you be able to withstand the pain of your muscles’ weakness?”

“After knowing what it’s like to be beaten and tortured, I can handle it.”

“Lastly and most importantly, will you be able to control your emotions, so as not to strengthen the demon within you?”

There was a pause before I answered him. “I can try like hell.”

“Will you be able to or not?”

“I think I can.”

“Darien, you can’t just think it. You either will be able to or not. Control doesn’t mean you can’t get angry with someone. Control means you won’t rage out for no set reason and that you’ll resist the urge to cause physical pain.” He paused and looked straight at me. “Will you be able to control your emotions?”

“Yes.”

“Good. We’ll start everything tomorrow. Why don’t you take Shadow for a walk? Try to clear your mind as best you can of every hurtful emotion.”

“Alright,” I replied, standing up. I called Shadow and headed outside.

Even though winter was approaching, the weather was unusually warm. I walked behind the house and sat underneath a tree, whose leaves were a bright shade of orange. Shadow romped around for a while before coming over to join me underneath the tree.

I absentmindedly scratched her behind the head, while I was thinking about what I had just been told. I found that draining my mind of all hurtful emotions was extremely difficult. It was almost as if Shadow knew what was going through my mind, because every time I came to a bad thought she would whimper and lick me on the face.

“You know, Shadow,” I said to her, “you know exactly what to do to get my mind off things.” I smiled and looked at her. Patting her one more time before standing up, I stated, “Sometimes, I swear you’re more than just a dog.” She cocked her head and let out a small cry. I laughed and brought her back into the house.
Upon walking back into the kitchen, Sal had just filled the Shadow’s dish.

“You seem much more relaxed than before,” Sal said with a smile. “I thought if you took her for a walk, you’d feel better.”

“She’s a smart dog,” I replied. “Where did you find her?”

Sal chuckled. “She found me, actually. One night, about four years ago, I came home to find her sitting on the front porch, wagging her tail. It was almost like she had been waiting for me to come home.” He bent down and gave her a gentle pat. “She’s very in tune with human emotions.” I stood there for a moment, watching the pair of them, until an unexpected question popper into my head.

“Sal,” I asked, “why did you buy me?” He looked at me, somewhat puzzled, as he stood up.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Why the hell were you looking for a slave, when you didn’t really want one? Plus, you took a big risk going into a place filled with demons.” He sat down at the table and opened the closest newspaper, so that I couldn’t see his face.

“I have my reasons.”

“Well, could you tell me one of them?” I sat down across from him. He flipped the page before continuing.

“Darien, I have a lot to teach you, and you have much to learn. First of all, you must learn that I have reasoning behind everything I say or do. Secondly, you need to understand that sometimes I won’t tell you what that reasoning is, because, frankly, it’s none of your damn business at the moment.” Out of disgust, I slammed my fist on the table, knocking over the empty cups of coffee from that morning.

Sal put down the paper and crossed his arms. “Now, was that called for?” he asked in a rather firm tone.

“I just wish you would tell me why, out of all the things to do, you chose to make a deal with a demon and buy me. And, yes it is my right to know.” There was an awkward silence that followed. Finally, Sal stood up with the paper and started towards the hall. “Wait a minute!” I shouted, as I ran over to the hall to stop him. “You can’t just leave without answering my question!”

“Watch me,” he replied, slamming me against the wall. “I can promise you this, Darien. I will tell you everything, when the time comes. For now, I just need you to be calm and patient. Remember what I said about controlling your emotions.” And, with that, he went down the hall, into a room, and slammed the door shut.
In frustration I flipped over the closest chair to me. Shadow started whimpering and cowering. I bypassed her and proceeded up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door behind me.

“Shit!” I screamed. “Why the hell won’t he give me a straight answer?!” I was seething from head to toe. I gave the bed a shove to release some of my anger. I walked opposite the door and slammed my fist against the wall. I paused for a moment, thinking. “If he won’t give me a damn answer, then I’m leaving. I don’t give a shit how much he thinks he knows about me or what I’ve been going through.”

As I turned back towards the door, though, I found a dagger lying on the floor that the bed used to hide. As I picked it up and looked at it, I noticed that it had tiny symbols carved into the blade. When I first picked it up, I felt a peacefulness pass over my body and was intrigued by the intricate carvings on it. Then without warning, I was overcome with severe pain and fell to my knees.

My entire body collapsed and I could feel myself shaking uncontrollably. Memories flashed before my eyes. I saw my mother’s smiling face, my father’s red eyes, Julia’s mangled body in the park… I didn’t even realize that I had passed out.