Tallulah's Ramblings

How did he do that?

Recently, I went to see a counselor for myself. An odd experience. He said stretched out over a chair, and bounced about a bit. He was not what I expected. Grilling me, a bit rude I felt, pushy... even odder, I like him.

He pushed me to really question the things I have been doing. He questioned my perceptions, and honestly, had me pegged within 10 minutes. He knew I was a caretaker personality, pointing out that I even "caretake" in my job. He asked me "Who takes care of you?". Sadly, I realized no one, not even me. I'm too busy taking care of everyone else.

He also knew about my rose colored glasses trick, and I thought I had that pretty well hidden.

What I learned was that... I can be that person that I portray to others. In fact, I *am* that person, it's just I don't believe in me. My insecurities eat away at me, begging constant feeding, 'does he love me?' 'did I do a good job?' 'are they mad at me?' 'am I good enough?' and I'm sure there are many more.

What I also realized, is that while it's good to do for others, it's all for naught if you don't put yourself first.

He made me promise to do one thing differently, one change...now to decide what that will be.

Crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Guess that makes me crazy.