Mental Meanderings

Outside the comfort zone

Taking the hard step isn't easy. I guess that's why it's considered the 'hard' step. lol I mentioned yesterday that a stupid wrong email mistake I made meant I missed out on meeting up with some Weight Watchers women. Well another opportunity came up this morning and I pushed passed my fears to take that step outside my door.

Raelene is a lovely woman and we have many things in common. I'm glad that I pushed past the anxiety to actually meet her. Sadly, while having taken that first step, the second and third don't seem any easier. But I'm dedicated to making change in my life now and that includes facing this phobia head on and getting a life despite it.

Kaylie had a lovely time playing with Raelene's little boy. Daniel is 3 and he doesn't stop talking. lol It makes a huge difference to me and I couldn't help finding him adorable because of it. My two are both rather quiet. I've mentioned that Josh isn't really talking yet, not an actual word although he's becoming more vocal lately he's still not actually said anything understandable.

We met at the park at the end of my street. Raelene lives with her husband Geoff and her boy in a house about a street back from the other side of the park so meeting there was mutual ground for us. It's amazing to know that there are people living so close that I could relate with.

Geoff is writing a screenplay if you can believe that. lol Not that it's funny that he's writing a screenplay but that I'd meet someone who is also a writer. We didn't have much chance to talk but I mentioned how I'd stalled when it came to the first edit of my novel and he told me that he was on edit eight or maybe nine himself.

Raelene seemed very down. We talked about the trouble we both have in social situations and I get the impression that she has trouble too. She's been making more effort than I have, arranging meets with Mum's from the Essential Baby website as well as more recently with Weight Watchers women.

It was wonderful spending some time getting to know her. While we were sharing coffee (or rather tea) it seemed easier than before and after it felt so hard. I can't help these nasty voices in my mind that tell me that I've blown it and that she doesn't want to know me. I know this is just that malicious self-defeating part of myself that always does this to me but even saying that I can't help the insecurity. How do you really know?

Anyway, that's a slice of my life today. Taking the chance and stepping outside my comfort zone. Sometimes you've got to put yourself on the line in the hopes of gaining something more. Hopefully by risking rejection I'm gaining a long term friend.

It's a risk I'll be taking more frequently from now on. I am in charge of my own life and it's wonderful acknowledging that I am in control of myself. I mightn't have the power to prevent myself feeling these emotions but I can control the way I react to them.

Meanwhile, it's gone midnight and the only reason I'm still up is because I was watching a late night movie. Now that's finished, so is my journal entry for today. Have a great Saturday everyone and do something for yourself that is outside your own comfort zone. Stretch your boundaries a little. It's amazing what can be let in.