Zee Blog

So...I lied.

More drama. Last time I promise.

Last night I had a talk with Jinx. Recently in the past two weeks she has been rather hurtful as much as she has been helpful. She has developed this interest in embarassing me in public, and recently I've taken it.

It was the other night though that things changed. When you have been friends with someone for five years you find that you know exactly how to hurt a person. I think in my life I have only unleashed that kind of knowledge upon a person for evil once. She, however, used it openly and in a forum she knew I would be sure to find it.

I don't mean forum as in a web forum. Specifically it was in her Livejournal. It was an entry she wrote after we broke up and she attacked every part of me that you have seen me writing about in here. Calling me "damaged" and "not worth trying for".

I know, and understand, the desire to say such things when you are in pain. I've been tempted to on many occasions myself, but I understand what it means to still want to be a friend with somoene and so you keep it to yourself or you just vent it out to a friend. You don't just say it to the person, especially when you know what it will do to the person.

So, last night she called me. I hadn't been able to get ahold of her the entire weekend because she was over at AJ's and so I confronted her about it. She told me that she didn't mean those things she said to me to be hurtful, but that she was joking. The problem with that is, my friend Shauna, who has been hanging out with us for months, actually pulled me over the other night to ask me how I didn't tell her to shove it and why I hadn't attacked her back.

I confronted her about calling me damaged. She merely said it was out of anger. Maybe I'm just cold, but I couldn't accept that from her. There were so many things I could say about her, but she's my friend, and one of my oldest at that.

She said I make things too difficult when they really shouldn't be, and she apologized to me that she made it sound that way. I accepted her apology, but I'm not quite ready to just be okay with it.

This morning in her journal she wrote a long post about how she's sick of people making her feel bad. A part of me is made even angrier about that comment. It's wrong to hurt her feelings, but it's okay for me to feel bad? I didn't call her names, I didn't call her a bad person, I didn't say anything about her. All I said was my own feelings, and I get that response?

The angry side of me just wants to call her and tell her, "You know what? Come get your shit." A larger part of me just says let it roll off. Let her be mad about it. Maybe I'm the one being wrong about it. I don't know.

To take a quote from her, "I'm just sick of the drama."